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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
I've talked about 2014 being my Year of Being Brave; I need to write… 
1st-Jan-2015 03:49 pm
Figuring shit out
I've talked about 2014 being my Year of Being Brave; I need to write a good wrapup post on that! And the Year of Being Brave has changed my life. Brave every year from now on. :)

But I did something else, something more subtle, something I didn't talk about as much:

2014 was the year I stopped calling myself lazy.

It used to be a tired old call-and-response thing - "I don't/didn't do X, because I'm lazy." And people would say "You're not lazy!"

And I realized that this was true. It helped that people pointed out that wow, I actually do a lot of stuff. Scroll down to my Year in Shira writing/editing post, and that's just one aspect of my life. I am driven and efficient and I do a lot of things and I do them well! So why do I call myself lazy?

The best answer I have? Part internalized ableism (I don't have a day job because disability, so clearly I am lazy) and part internalized misogyny (I don't do a lot of Lady Upkeep things, so clearly I am lazy).

Neither of those is a good look.

So in 2014, I looked at that, and I asked myself "why am I not doing the things I'm not doing?"

And the actual answer was "Because I have limited time and energy, and that's not where I choose to allocate it."

Boom.

It seems simple, but that reframing helped immensely. Talking about hair dye? "I don't dye my hair even though I could because I'm lazy" becomes "I don't dye my hair because upkeep on that takes time and energy that I'd rather spend elsewhere." I'd like rainbow hair, but I like what I'm doing more. Maybe I'll get some clip-in rainbow extensions from Etsy.

"I didn't clean the house, god I'm lazy" becomes "I was really in the zone with my writing, and this novel is more important to me than my toilet bowl being spotless."

These are all choices. Time/energy choices. When I say "lazy", I'm not just disrespecting myself, I'm devaluing the totally valid choices that I've made, that I'm making.

Plus it is just not true.

So that is my challenge to you for 2015. What negative thing do you say to yourself about yourself? What story are you telling yourself that isn't true or fair to you? Find it. Nuke it from orbit.

"Be very careful how you talk to yourself. Because you are listening." - Pat Cadigan
Comments 
1st-Jan-2015 09:21 pm (UTC)
Excellent post. Glad you were able to identify and shift perspective! I know when my Hashi's gets unruly I have to revert to the spoon theory. I only have so many spoons for the day, how do I want to use them? Happy New Year!
1st-Jan-2015 09:22 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
Thank you for sharing. That last line is something I need to remember.
1st-Jan-2015 10:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks for writing this. I really needed to hear this just now.
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Jan-2015 01:27 am (UTC)
You are badass. And not lazy. I love that Cadigan quote. LOVE. I hope 2015 is a killer year for you.
2nd-Jan-2015 03:11 pm (UTC)
That's an interesting Cadigan quote - where's it from?

I'm not sure what negative thing I say - perhaps my friends will tell me.

Happy New Year.
6th-Jan-2015 01:24 am (UTC)
Just from Pat, on Facebook. :)

Happy New Year!
(Deleted comment)
6th-Jan-2015 01:24 am (UTC)
Closer to an actual resolution is stealing your notion of a Year of Being Brave. <3


DO EET
2nd-Jan-2015 09:50 pm (UTC)
Another alternative perspective to lazy: if you do what you choose to do efficiently and therefore have free time afterward, you're not lazy, you're efficient.

My voice always says: "you're just not very good at [thing], are you?" I wish I could figure out how to talk back to that.
3rd-Jan-2015 04:05 am (UTC) - I am trying to be more efficient too.
I am trying to pick and chose what really needs doing and what can wait a day or two.

BTW you are not lazy. You write, you socialize, you knit, you have a spouse, you volunteer, you have a child, and you have pets.

You have medical issues and you are taking care of them one at a time.

You would probably leave me in the dust and my worst sin is Sloth.

You are gaining wisdom on how things work best for you and yours and that should be admired and applauded.
8th-Jan-2015 02:23 pm (UTC)
Thought you might like to know that you've inspired me to be more brave myself.
8th-Jan-2015 10:45 pm (UTC)
Excellent. :)
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