Backstory: Dentistry is the one thing that consistently triggers me. It is so bad that researching dentists had me in scared-kid meltdown mode. But I got recommendations... and then the Judah shit happened, and it took til January for me to be able to get back to a point of being even marginally able to handle it. I re-did the research and went to a dentist for an evaluation. (I wrote about that here; yes the rough stuff & misinformation was re: Lynne.) I made my appointment for March 27, because the only other big first-time sedation appointment they had was in February, when I thought I'd be out of town all month.
I had a lot of anxiety last night about today's appointment. Channeled it into knitting and chatting with friends. Got very little sleep. Woke up, took the prescribed Halcion...
And had not much effect. I got a little spacey, but no more so than "day after a very active day" spacey. When I got to the dentist, they said "Huh, yeah, you are like not sedated at all." Gave me another Halcion and left me in a dimly-lit room with soothing music. Still barely anything.
So the dentist came in and gently broke it to me that we were pulling the plug on today's attempt. I tried to push through, but he said no, they really don't want to retraumatize me. He'll research other ways to sedate me and call me back. We'll keep trying. No charge for today, even though I'd already gotten Novocaine.
The assistant is very used to Type A PTSD patients, apparently; she saw that I was frustrated with myself and impressed upon me that this isn't a failure. Me actually doing the research and preparing and coming in and trying my best is a success. We just have to work the rest of it out.
The problem is, basically:
* I'm 105 pounds right now. This leads people to be very cautious about how much medication to give me, because there is just not very much of me to distribute that medication.
* I'm on several medications that interact with sedatives (or, in the case of Lunesta, are sedatives), which also leads to caution in prescribing.
* I have a ridiculously high tolerance for sedatives. I'm on the maximum prescribing dose of Lunesta. At 105 pounds. When also taking prescription painkillers. And there are still times I only get a few hours of sleep per night. I can usually get at least 5 (not last night, I think), and I sleep like the dead when I do sleep, but yeah. Ambien does nothing in me, and it looks like Halcion's the same.
So what the dentist needs to do is find something that he can give me a lot of safely, or that at least works differently in the body so it has a chance of working. And he will call me.
I'm disappointed that we weren't able to get this done today, but.... everyone did everything they could. I'll take that for now.