Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Friendship and Reasonable Accommodations

We had a number of people over for dinner not too long ago. We did the usual "Do you have any food allergies or intolerances? Are there things you Just Don't Eat?" e-mail and planned around that, making a barbecue chicken pizza (GF). That night, one person approached me shyly; she had just recently started not eating any carbs or sugars, and was hoping we wouldn't be insulted by her just picking off and eating the shreds of chicken. It was hard for her to ask. But I'm glad she did, because we had half a rotisserie chicken left! So she got more dinner than she would have, with no sugary barbecue sauce.

Not too long after, I had my birthday party. One friend e-mailed me saying "I am hoping to have the spoons to be there! I need to ask for a couple of accommodations, though..." for her mental health.

And then things clicked in my mind. Yes! These are Reasonable Accommodations!

And I will put it out there that I always want you to ask for any accommodations you may need.

Even if they seem silly; another friend at the party was afraid of seeming silly when she said "I'm trying to get out and be with people more, but I'm finding it really emotionally difficult to accept that I can reach out and ask to hang out with people. May I have permission in advance to ask you?" That's not silly. You recognize a problem you're having, and getting advance permission is the way you can solve that - that's taking care of you. <3

And if you're ever at my house, or hanging out with me at all, I want to make those accommodations for you to the full extent of my ability. Do you need to borrow a sweater? Do you need a seat on the couch instead of the floor? Do you need quiet space for an introvert break? PLEASE let me know. I want you to be at your happiest and most comfortable. <3

And I think it can help to look at it like that. I hope that makes it easier for you to ask. You're asking for a reasonable accommodation for your needs and comfort. There's nothing wrong with that, and everything right. I hope you do it, for whatever accommodations you need.
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