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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
So the plan was for me to knock out all the non-writing stuff… 
28th-Jan-2014 09:22 am
Hearth
So the plan was for me to knock out all the non-writing stuff yesterday so I could write today, but I got hit with the exhaustion stick and tried to nap. Which didn't work. And then that post went viral, and then a bunch of nasty apologists started dogpiling on the Facebook thread, so I had to get on that, and that took a lot of spoons. And then the thread got deleted anyway. So.

I did get started on the SSDI application process last night, which... is tremendously emotionally difficult. And also requires lots of info I don't have at my fingertips when I'm curled up on the couch with a pup in my lap. So I did what I could, then did the "save and quit to finish later" thing -

- which apparently causes a partial report to go through, and causes an on-the-ball SSA employee to call at 7:30 in the morning. >.< I have used this opportunity to get some tips and ask some questions.

The way my brain is, I can't do writing if Something Else is looming, so! My plans for today are now:

* Complete SSDI application. This will take hours in itself, I assume, being as I have to track down info on multiple doctors, tests, et cetera.

* Reward myself with a touch of knitting (Clue 3B on the Ysolda shawl, I think), because that's restful and also tends to loosen my brain up for writing.

* Write if I can.

Today's also difficult because I'd set it aside to be on call for Michael. Who's now been cut off from his support system with extreme prejudice, which has been keeping me from sleeping well, which feeds into the whole cycle. I very much hope that Caitlin's surgery goes without a hitch and that he is allowed some external support.

*sigh* Now down to it. Will need some serious self-care after this.

(It would be nice if I could get paid to fight rape culture, y'know?)
Comments 
28th-Jan-2014 10:21 pm (UTC)
Applying for SSDI is hard - both emotionally and practically. Be ready to be denied and have do to the appeal process. Some offices do that just to "make sure you're serious."

As I explained to another friend recently, if you get better, if someone discovers a magical cure for what is between you and regular work, the government is more than happy to take you >off< SSDI. Even being deemed completely disabled recognizes you might be able to do some work - you can earn up to X dollars a month before having to kick it back to Uncle Sam.

So. You can still be you. You can still write. You can still advocate and merch wench and such when you can. But you paid into Social Security for years and years, without asking anything back. It is there for when you >need< it, and you need it now (yes, that's probably the really, really hard part to deal with emotionally).
29th-Jan-2014 01:11 am (UTC)
Oh, my advocacy and merch wenching don't get me paid; I wish! *wry smile*

But yeah. That is the hard part. Just like my doctor's drop into gentle mode when he explains that no, I really do need that inhaler every day now, and the fact that I'm now on daily pain meds.
29th-Jan-2014 03:14 pm (UTC)
As depressing as it may be, you might want to make some sort of pictogram of how Condition A impacts/is impacted by Conditions B and C. For instance, the asthma itself is not disabling, but you can't drive because of epilepsy and walking is unreliably difficult due to FMS which, in turn, strains your lungs. And probably your heart. Clusterfuck indeed.

On the other hand, given the clusterfuckery, it is amazing you manage to get out of bed each day. Not to mention raising an amazing daughter, maintaining a really solid marriage, writing, community supporting, etc etc etc. Go look in the mirror and say, "You are awesome." Because you are.
29th-Jan-2014 03:27 pm (UTC)
Speaking of clusterfuckery... drop me an e-mail?
29th-Jan-2014 02:57 am (UTC)
Uhm.., not to ask a an insane question... But why not?

Way can't you? Social media / outreach ?

This doesn't seem to be an impossible thing...
29th-Jan-2014 03:45 am (UTC)

Managing social media and outreach at a professional level is hard. It takes a lot of energy and time, and can be extremely stressful. It's not a spare-time thing. My company provides social media, digital strategy and web development to social justice organizations, and social media management is our bread and butter.

Add to that the miniscule budgets many nonprofits have and you've got major time/effort outlay for not much recompense. We can do it because we can manage multiple clients, but it's not something I'd recommend for a freelancer.

29th-Jan-2014 09:15 pm (UTC)
This. Times 100.
29th-Jan-2014 09:21 pm (UTC)
The above was supposed to be a reply to the previous comment, sorry. Last time I use the Android LJ client to comment. >.>
29th-Jan-2014 05:58 am (UTC)
In case you have not seen, they had a brief scare, something to do with losing a great deal of blood, but they put more in and Caitlin's come through surgery well. To my understanding, she'll still be in the hospital for a few days.


*hugs*
29th-Jan-2014 12:25 pm (UTC)
I saw. Thank you for making sure I knew. <3
29th-Jan-2014 11:00 pm (UTC)
Nearly every person I know who is on SSDI had to retain a lawyer to do it. From what I've heard, many of the SSDI-specific lawyers don't require any payment up front, and just take their cut out of your back pay once it's awarded. I suspect that finding such a lawyer might take less energy than trying to apply on your own. YMMV, but it was something I wanted to mention.
30th-Jan-2014 12:37 pm (UTC)
I hope you are able to take care of yourself. If you'd like some help and are willing to let me help you, I will.

I've been behind on LJ and missed the last week of OMG you had to deal with. In order: it was good to see you at-con, however briefly. I wish you'd had a better con. My condolences on the lost relationships. And Ow!

Wishing you a gluten-free crepe. Y'know, for enjoyment.
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