When we last spoke of money, I was bemoaning the fact that Judah's departure meant that we now had to spend an extra $600 for rent. Our landlord has been very accommodating; he lets us pay that share on our midmonth paycheck, which has more wiggle room in it. Me liking a warm house paid off over the summer, when our electric and gas bills were at the bare minimum.
But also we've had to pay Elayna's tuition. And textbooks are expensive. And winter gas bills are here again.
And Max died. Which was not as exorbitantly expensive as when Jack died. But.
Max dying, those increased bills, and the payment plan for Elayna's tuition have become a perfect storm of we're-fucked. Stuff that WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED had Judah not been an abuser, had he not sweet-talked me into moving into a house beyond our means (I'm not convinced that he didn't antagonize our terrible former landlord on purpose), had he not rendered me incapable of renting that room out because I still do need sleeping pills and I cannot trust a random renter not to do what he did.
I haven't been able to find a job that I can do from home, and my health is insufficient to allow me to commit to something outside the home. Copyediting is irregular and does not pay well.
Usually what I'd do at this sort of point is Wind Tunnel Dreams - a series of reader-prompted short fiction and poetry with a Paypal donation button. I can't really do that right now because I'm going to be travelling very soon, so I can't do a full week or two. And I haven't been writing much since Judah systematically emotionally-abused that out of me - I have some poems, is all. So I can't sell people anything that I have in stock, as it were.
I need something sustainable. But I at least need something now, and I haven't anything to offer.
So basically I wish being a Patron of the Arts was still a thing, that a patron would say "here is a grant, stop running around trying to scrape up pennies - sit down and clear your mind and write."
And also I would like a pony.
ETA: We have a very livable plan that should split our rent in half at some point next year, which honestly will Fix Everything financially, but we don't know the exact timing due to Forces Out of Our Control. There is a plan!