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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Small things about this week. 
5th-Dec-2013 12:57 pm
I'm exhausted, and I'm not getting a lot done.

It's the small things that are hurting. For years, whenever the TV said "viewer discretion is advised", I'd say "Be discreet, Max!" So Monday night we were catching up on The Blacklist and yep, I said "Be dis-" and caught myself and fell apart a little.

Every time I go downstairs it hits me a little, because I'm used to giving him a scritch every time I pass him. Every time I hear Bash's bell, because if I'm hearing one cat, I want to know the location of both cats. When Bash is eating, I automatically look for Max to make sure Bash isn't shoving him out of the way.

We haven't had only one cat in over ten years, save for the two weeks between Tor's death and Bash's adoption, when Max was so forlorn.

Bash is doing okay being an only cat for now. He follows me around a lot, but we've established that he really needs human companionship and frequent base-touching. He's not crying or exhibiting any behavior that makes me think he needs a feline buddy. Which is good, because I'm not ready yet.

I love Bash, but Max was special. I knit and wonder if I'll ever again have a cat who likes to sit on my lap under a shawl-in-progress. I cry and wonder if I'll ever again have a cat who automatically assists human in distress. I don't know. All cats are different. Bash is a good cat and I love him, but I miss having someone on my lap.

Otherwise.... life is. Adam and I are going to The Slutcracker tomorrow. Elayna has finals next week, and on Thursday we'll bring her home for winter break, which is almost a month. I'll have a Sekrit Project to keep me busy next week.

How are you?
5th-Dec-2013 06:31 pm (UTC)
Lots of Princelings time means a happy Cap'n.

5th-Dec-2013 08:15 pm (UTC)
Sitting in a law office in Boston.
Two old pets at home - an ancient rat and an arthritic calico. Working up to the holidays.

Hubby has a date tonight after I get home, whenever that is, and I'm making cookies.
5th-Dec-2013 08:37 pm (UTC)
My life's been going pretty well lately. I had a great weekend at SFContario; work is moving along nicely (busy, but a good busy); I'm (so far successfully) making a concerted effort to keep up with various email conversations, since I have a bad tendency to miss replying to things in a timely fashion; and I have a batch of new video games because SOMEONE'S HUSBAND keeps posting about great Amazon deals. :-)
5th-Dec-2013 09:04 pm (UTC)
No two cats are alike. There ARE other cats who automatically assist humans in distress, but none of them are Max. There ARE other cats out there who you will love, and perhaps one or more of them will move into your house, but none of them will be Max.
6th-Dec-2013 01:09 am (UTC)
Oh my, I had been avoiding LJ and did not hear of Max's crossing. I am sorry to hear of his passing but happy that his forever home was yours.
There are still times when I think that we still have a cat. Funny how memories are triggered and they can trick our world view.
There will be other kitties and each of them with bring their own unique personality so that you can each learn about each other.
6th-Dec-2013 01:43 am (UTC)
Life is better. AJ and I are speaking again, and while I doubt we will ever be amazing, not feeling like I swallowed razor blades is enough. I also started taking antidepressants awhile back and that curbed the "eat the gun" urges. My neutral days outnumber my "want to die" days by quite a bit and I even have good days. Josh and I are doing well. I got a job in a call center and am shocked at how much this is my THING! It seems so plebeian but I love it. I'm busy the whole time I'm there and really don't have time to dwell on much. I mourn my loss of motivation to do housework and it shows in the cluttered state of my tiny home. I hate dishes, I hate cleaning, I hate cat litter, I hate laundry, so I do this awful thing...I procrastinate until the 20 minutes of dishes is now something like 3 hours. Josh helps but he works a lot and well, dammit, I'm not too broken to help most days, I just don't seem to have big girl panties for housework. My fibro has gotten a bit weather-related worse so I'm more reliant on drugs and easy days which make me feel old and grumpy. But I am slowly digging myself out of debt and into a life I want rather than endure.
6th-Dec-2013 03:08 am (UTC)
"It's the small things..." Yes absolutely. Our bonds with our pets are made of those. And it's hurts when someone as special as your Max or my Philip leaves us. But in time you'll smile instead of cry when you remember Max.
6th-Dec-2013 03:30 am (UTC)
6th-Dec-2013 05:50 pm (UTC)
Working, working, working. Finally bleeding so maybe I can stop being jittery and anxious and depressed, like I've been all week. Panicking about writing deadlines everywhere but at work. The suckmonkeys are howling in their winter habitat.

Good thing: New videogame! Tales of Vesperia seems like a good time for both of us, 3 hours in. We'll see how it goes.

Other good things: Have made some interesting breakthroughs on formerly blocked branches of my family tree. Made what I hope will be a really awesome photobook of my parents' 50th party -- I find out when I go home tonight, as the package is waiting for me to open it.
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