?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Over the past 16 months, I have lost three beloved pets and the last… 
2nd-Dec-2013 12:16 pm
Hearth
Over the past 16 months, I have lost three beloved pets and the last of my grandparents. I was (in chronological order) emotionally abused, cheated on, raped, and assaulted by someone I loved, who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.

My daughter turned 18, and graduated, and went off to college. These are all positive changes, but they are huge changes.

If not for the other huge positive change of my relationship with the Thomases, I'm not sure where I'd be now. Nowhere good.

This is a year of losing things and losing people. It's a year of being sundered from my previous identities. It is a year of everything being peeled away.

I am trying my hardest to see this as an opportunity. I've said before that the blessing of losing everything is that you get to decide what to pick up, what to take with you.

The last time I lost so much, I had my Max. The last several times. When I moved to a place where I only knew one person, when I was diagnosed with epilepsy... I always had my Max. Max was the last tie to a lot of things.

Thirteen years. I don't really know how to be without him.

This is my first "normal" week in a month; I had Adam home for a week, then the trip to Chicago, then Thanksgiving week, and here I am, not quite knowing what to do with myself. Knowing that my life has changed, and not knowing yet what it's changed to. Knowing that I get to choose what to take with me.
Comments 
2nd-Dec-2013 06:51 pm (UTC)
*hugs* This HAS been a year of having layers stripped away for many of us. It's terrifying, saddening, maddening, and also a good thing, for all the heartache.

It can be overwhelming, but we have a community full of folks who are used to supporting each other through these transformations. As far as that goes, I think it's a good place to be for it to happen.

*many more hugs*
2nd-Dec-2013 07:36 pm (UTC)
I can't do much from here, but I'm always here if I can ever do anything.
2nd-Dec-2013 07:49 pm (UTC)
Knit, and write, and dance, and maybe cook, and love yourself and know that you are loved.

I also recommend snuggles, and books and blankets.

Maybe a snowman, if you've the makings for it.

*hugs* Thinking of you.
2nd-Dec-2013 08:00 pm (UTC)
Thinking of you. Sending you hugs and good wishes.
2nd-Dec-2013 09:23 pm (UTC)

*hugs*
3rd-Dec-2013 01:05 am (UTC)
I suspect some of the choices will be hard, but good in the long term. Be patient with yourself in the interim.
3rd-Dec-2013 02:47 am (UTC)
It's never easy to have so many changes.

Here and listening.
3rd-Dec-2013 02:57 am (UTC)
I think another Descent of Inanna might be overdoing it.
3rd-Dec-2013 05:11 am (UTC)
Loss is so hard.And i have found losing my Most Beloved Cat to be one of the hardest.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.
This page was loaded Nov 21st 2017, 1:28 pm GMT.