So I got through June and July. And at the end of July, I got to visit Michael and Lynne again! For almost two weeks! Which was incredibly important. Because as much as we'd fallen ridiculously in love, we'd only ever *physically* been together in times of extreme crisis. We knew that that wasn't normal everyday us. And we needed to know what normal might be like.
Y'know. What passes for normal with us. :)
A thing you should know about me is that I am very attached to my home. I like being elsewhere for tiny increments of time, but I get homesick very easily, and I get tetchy when I don't have my place and my stuff. Especially with my medically-complicated stuff. So... two weeks! That is a lot of time! How long would it be before I was cranky?
I did not get cranky.
Michael + Lynne = me + Adam, basically. I'd been saying this since the early days. Our dynamics are similar in a lot of ways. This extends to their house and the rhythm of their lives. I was instantly totally comfortable. Not once did I feel not at home. That has never happened.
And as much as Michael and I bond like crazy every day on chat, being in person? Levels us up tremendously. That and the way we catch ourselves looking at each other in absolute delight and wonder, and then crack up because we are SO RIDICULOUS. So much exploration. So much discovery. Amazing and revelatory.
And then I went home and spent August with Elayna, and we're caught up!
So yeah. This has been a thing. That in the middle of everything else, I was falling in love. I was discovering someone just like me - and by loving him so completely, I found myself able to forgive and love some parts of myself I'd long since locked away. I wasn't writing about it first because I was trying not to let myself fall, then because it was too bewilderingly huge a mass of emotion, then other stuff.
But it's been changing my life.
Entirely for the better.
They'll be here in twelve days, staying for almost two weeks. I'm menu-planning, planning outings, planning time for the five of us (Adam and their daughter Caitlin) to just hang out here and watch TV together and just be. I get to show them my place, and at least some of my people. And that makes me very, very happy. <3
"We write to discover what we believe." ~~Jonathan Carroll
"...part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time." ~~"Case of You", Joni Mitchell
"There is a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in." ~~"Anthem", Leonard Cohen
"If you wanna be immortal, you gotta have something to trade in." ~~"Anything", Foetus
"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~~George Bernard Shaw
"The real secret of magic is that the world is made of words, and that if you know the words that the world is made of you can make of it whatever you wish." ~~Terence McKenna
"When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and remember each other." ~~Rob Sheffield
"I have a sickness in the brain. I'm allowed to make no sense to you puny mortals with your fully operational head-meat." ~~Spider Jerusalem
"Sometimes you crash. Sometimes, the fall kills you. And sometimes... sometimes, you fly." ~~Neil Gaiman
"Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself." ~~Lois McMaster Bujold
"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~~Albert Camus
"Being able to speak the unspeakable is very powerful. If we can hear another person express where they get stuck, or lost, or repeat a negative pattern, it builds a bridge." ~~SARK
"Myths and legends die hard in America." ~~Hunter S. Thompson
"Don't undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible." ~~Edwin Land
"Having faced the fire of your initiation and survived its heat, you can now serve others in a whole new way. By being a living testimony to life transformed, you carry in your cells a sacred knowledge, and in your mind and heart a sacred fire. It's not the fire of youth but the fire of Prometheus, who emerged with the light that would light the world. It's a light that you only could have gotten from having faced some version of your personal hell, and now you are inoculated to the fires which rage around us. Sometimes it is fire that puts out fire, and such is the fire that now burns in you. This is not the fire of your destruction but of your victory. It is the fire of the middle years." ~~Marianne Williamson
"Considering how common illness is, how tremendous the spiritual change it brings, how astonishing, when the lights of health go down, the undiscovered countries that are then disclosed…what ancient and obdurate oaks are uprooted in us by the act of sickness…it becomes strange indeed that illness has not taken its place with love and battle and jealously among the prime themes of literature." ~~Virginia Woolf
"The Universe puts us in places were we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are is the right place, at the right time. The pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
"I will tell you a great secret, Captain, perhaps the greatest secret of all time: The molecules of your body are the same molecules that make up this station, and the nebula outside - that burn inside the stars themselves. We are star-stuff. We are the Universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out. And, as we have both learned, sometimes the Universe requires a change of perspective." ~~Delenn, Babylon 5
"Light Leak", by SJ Tucker
Swirling stars into my skin With a leaky stolen pen Stories end, pull kenning in Let the light leak in I finally let the light leak in
I am kenning all I can She and I, me and my mind, Writing hard for the one true thing That lets you let me in Beguiling what must to gain the trust of the minutemen I am worth investing in and I never stop spinning.
Kenning yarns out of my skin With a leaky borrowed pen Swirling stars and stories in Will you let the light leak in?