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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Today I am packing for Chicago/Wiscon, because tomorrow I am flying… 
20th-May-2013 12:29 pm
B5: End in Fire
Today I am packing for Chicago/Wiscon, because tomorrow I am flying to Chicago. Stressors non-related to my trip have settled down to the point where I am capable of bursting into tears randomly.

Me: "Tonight was good!"
Judah: "...you were crying ten minutes ago."
Me: "I am capable of crying. After this week, that is significant progress."

But today. Packing. A million tiny meltdowns. I don't like being away from home. And it's a big dressy event, and my genderfluidity means I won't have the vaguest idea today what I'll want to wear on Saturday. Last year I felt dysphoric in dresses the whole weekend and ended up not wearing a single one of the, what, four?, that I'd packed. So I need dresses/skirts, jeans & t-shirts, cargo shorts & tank tops, what?

Also this involves hauling everything out of everywhere and trying it on and being upset at myself that most things don't fit the way I want them to. Being sick means I'm behind on toning away my winter pudge.

But hey, I found a swimsuit that fits. By dumping an entire drawer of random stuff on my bed.

I go step by step so I don't get too overwhelmed.

When I was crying last night, I told Judah that I haven't had a day when I was not in crisis mode since maybe early February. I just need a week off. This won't be that. The earliest I can possibly get that is mid-June. But maybe this week will be a good reset.

I still don't know what to pack for plane knitting.

Back to it.

21st-May-2013 01:45 am (UTC)
That's been me this evening... I spent half an hour crying in the bedroom because so little of my things fit, and I'm tired all the time, and I don't have enough pain meds, all of which is contributing to loss of muscle and increase of fat and almost nothing fitting.

And I'm going down to Alabama and Georgia and it's only JUST gotten really warm here this week and I am not used to summer heat yet.

Packing for high school graduation, convention, convention wedding, renaissance festival, and college graduation party. Also clothes to wear for the other days of two weeks. And ill fitting swimsuit.

I did spend the next half hour with hugs and talking about it and stuff with Brekke and my boy did come check on me.

Still have to pack, though.
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