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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Every time I think I can sit down and write about My Life These Days,… 
15th-May-2013 11:27 am
Typewriter - tell me about it
Every time I think I can sit down and write about My Life These Days, something requiring large amounts of Processing falls into my lap. And so it is today. Also, I am sick and otherwise in need of distraction.

So instead, here is an Anonymous Confession Post!

The only rule of this post is Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick. Anything mean-spirited will be deleted.

So tell me something. Tell us something. Tell each other something.

48 hours.

15th-May-2013 03:41 pm (UTC) - Not so anonymous, but hey
I revisited the straw that broke the back, a couple of months ago. It wasn't so bad. Recovery, slow but steady. That's a good thing, right?
15th-May-2013 03:43 pm (UTC) - Re: Not so anonymous, but hey
<3 Good to see you, hon, and happy for you. :)
15th-May-2013 03:49 pm (UTC)
I adore you so much that my heart rate quickens, and I lose my breath every time I hear you ping me for one of our IM chats. My reaction to it often makes my partner laugh because apparently I behave like a kid at Disney World.

I am incapable of ever writing a poem or story that could encompass all of my feelings for you.

I still can't believe we finally found each other.

15th-May-2013 03:49 pm (UTC)
<3 <3 <3
15th-May-2013 03:57 pm (UTC)
The majority of relationships I have are surface-level because I am afraid of being hurt, as I have so many times before, and of hurting others, as I have so many times before. What's worse is that I cannot forgive myself for my mistakes and I am not truly receptive of others' positive insight of myself - just the negatives. I wish I could change this, but I don't even know where to begin and I have separated myself socially for mainly that reason.

I do ask forgiveness from anyone I have hurt, but I don't expect anything of it.
15th-May-2013 08:10 pm (UTC)
None of us live our lives without hurting and being hurt by others, and this pain so often grows to encompass all other feelings. But it is love - both giving and accepting it - that matters, that upholds us; and you are loved, not in spite of yourself, but because of who you are, the whole person, the whole complete person. People are like houses. Rarely is there such a thing as a perfect house - so many beautiful, warm houses are rickety and in the spring they harbor ants, and yet they open their doors to people who love them and maintain them, and in turn, the houses offer shelter - yes, even when the roof leaks and the toilet explodes. I offer you *hugs*
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
15th-May-2013 04:26 pm (UTC)
I hate the fact that I can't stop getting all my validation for being a decent contributing human being from other people, and that all the positive feedback in the world from the people who actually matter can be smashed to bits by a single asshat with an opinion.
16th-May-2013 04:35 pm (UTC)
I hope it helps to know that a lot of us struggle with exactly that...
15th-May-2013 04:32 pm (UTC)
I am not sure I will ever fully be over my ex. I've never loved anyone so wholly and without reservation, and felt so safe and cared for, as I did with him. I think I will always have a place in my heart for him, even if he did run away in the end.
15th-May-2013 05:44 pm (UTC)
You are not alone in this.
15th-May-2013 05:20 pm (UTC)
I'm falling in love, hard and fast, and it frightens me with its intensity. The alchemy of transforming from strangers to lovers is strange and terrible indeed.
16th-May-2013 04:36 pm (UTC)
That's one of the things going on with me too!
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
15th-May-2013 05:28 pm (UTC)
I have been seeing someone on and off for four years, but for the past three months I've been trying to break it off and they won't quit.

We live in different cities from each other and only actually see each other a few times a year, but I'm done with the relationship on the level it's been on. They won't quit and insist we're still together even though I say otherwise and purposely cut off communication after saying we're through. I'm so done with it, but they just won't quit.
16th-May-2013 04:21 pm (UTC)
I am going through a similar problem, compounded with my partner having some serious health issues. We live much closer to one another, and with similar friend groups, it's harder to cut each other off. But they keep pressing the issue and demanding we speak, and they are willing to sacrifice their health in order to keep me.

Our fights are long, stressful affairs, and that's bad enough. But if we go awhile without talking, or they don't hear back from me, the stress and anxiety of the disconnection starts causing physical problems with their health issues. Their doctor has told them to avoid stress, even.

If it were just a matter of cutting them off, that would be one thing, but it's someone who won't accept no and is unwilling to accept any help in getting over this. It's no exaggeration to say that our relationship sounds like life or death for them.

Any advice would be appreciated.

And good luck to you. My advice to you is to just drop communication, since you are far enough away. Just don't reply. Hopefully they won't buy you a gun rack.
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
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15th-May-2013 05:29 pm (UTC) - two things
1) I am very worried that if PGD/IVF doesn't work and I can't have my baby girl I will be very very bitter.

2) I wish that I didn't feel like my financial worries were paralyzing me and keeping me from accomplishing things that would actually improve my financial situation.
16th-May-2013 04:41 pm (UTC) - Re: two things
1. Have you considered adoption at all? Is the primary objective to have a child, or specifically to have a child who's genetically yours? (I'm an adoptee and know lots of other adoptees and birth parents; I'm a big proponent of adoption.)

2. Ugh, yes, I have been there too and am sometimes there now. Sympathies. :(
15th-May-2013 05:45 pm (UTC)
Right now, I am doing some work and desperately in want of distraction so I was soooo glad to see this.

I won't see my husband until the weekend and my other guy is away until the 24th and I'm feeling REALLY isolated and want someone to talk to bad.

Also I'm telling myself that I have to wait until all of this work is done, and then if my period hasn't started I will take a pregnancy test, and I have no idea of what to think about that.
16th-May-2013 04:43 pm (UTC)
Does online chat help, or are you needing in-person hanging out? I hope you're able to get what you need!

And I hope for the best possible result for you and your family re: potential pregnancy.
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
15th-May-2013 08:12 pm (UTC)
I suck at financial management. I appear very competent in all other areas of my life, but financial management is extremely difficult, so I deal by avoiding dealing with bills and financial planning, which causes even more issues. It scares me shitless. I have no idea why I cannot do a better job.

Relatedly, I often feel that people don't believe that I am struggling - because I appear so competent, people dismiss my issues. I have no idea how true this is, but this is how I feel.
16th-May-2013 04:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, the competence thing. I feel that, man. I do that, too, and apparently it makes it hard for doctors to believe me about my pain level. >.<

Do you have a partner who's better at financial stuff and willing to help? Or a friend who can sit you down and help you work through your aversion and get stuff together?
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
15th-May-2013 08:19 pm (UTC)
My life has utterly fallen apart. My soul mate died and came back as something closer to a monster than the man I love. I see him everyday and I want to tear the mask off the monster that walks around in his skin. I'm working on separating our life now, bills, insurance, bank accounts, and I'm trying so damn hard to be brave and not cry all the time. It's like ripping myself in half. I'm cut out of the finances and he's said he'll kill me if I try to take his money. I don't doubt him. Not even a little bit. So, I'm leaving this life for a new one, with no money and a prayer that the student loans come through before my last little bit of savings runs out. My family hates me and I have next to no one to turn to. It has to get better than this. I know now that if there was nothing that loved me, I would simply just exit this life because I have no idea even how to breathe through the pain.
16th-May-2013 01:34 am (UTC)
Not quite the same circumstances, but I fought my way back up after losing everything. I literally rebuilt my entire life out of the ashes of the old one. It's a long hard climb, but the view from the mountain is worth it. Sometimes I could only get through a second at a time, but I hung on and I survived and eventually it got so much better. Keep breathing. Keep walking.
15th-May-2013 08:26 pm (UTC)
I want to get my tubes tied but my doctors haven't been receptive. I'm 31. I've been asking for this since I was 26. I have never wanted children of my own, but people keep telling me I will, despite the fact that I don't think I would make a good parent and don't have the financial resources or life stability to support a child even should I suddenly decide to want one. I'm really angry about this and I don't see what I can do about it other than grow old enough that the medical establishment finally decides I'm telling the truth, by which time I will start hitting menopause if my female relatives are any guide.
15th-May-2013 09:45 pm (UTC)
I'm not suggesting you do this, but I lied to the doctor and told them that there was a significant family history of Huntington's Disease and hemophilia in the family. I didn't want children and didn't want the risk of passing it on. I got my tubes tied 30 days later at 25 y/o.
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
15th-May-2013 10:09 pm (UTC)
There is someone who I think likes me and would like a relationship with me, and I would with her, but she is married, and poly, and I don't know if I could be with someone who is with someone else. She's smart, beautiful, and her baggage matches mine, but...

Am I horrible for being the type of person who won't be with someone because I want to be their one and only?
16th-May-2013 12:01 am (UTC)
Being monogamous isn't wrong. It's just different.

Wrong would be getting into a relationship with her pretending that you're OK with her other relationships, and then insisting that she choose only you forever.
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
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15th-May-2013 11:44 pm (UTC)
I know he's too busy to give me anything real, but every little bit he does share with me makes me fall a little harder.

I know he's poly-saturated, but I wish there was room for me.
16th-May-2013 04:54 pm (UTC)
16th-May-2013 01:43 am (UTC)
I have a crush on a friend, but I'm not in a position to do anything about it and I don't think she is either right now. And I can't tell if there's actual chemistry between us or if I'm reading too much into it. But I like her brain and she's pretty and I wish she knew how much talent she has.
16th-May-2013 04:55 pm (UTC)
Is it the kind of crush that you can enjoy as ambient background noise, or the kind of crush that hurts? I hope it's the former!
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