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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Yes, I am being terrible about updating again. 
28th-Jan-2013 10:10 am
So my body rolled a critical fail Friday night that affected me through Saturday and yesterday, and I'm not ready to talk about it just yet, because I have all the swirly rage and humiliation and everything. Just - yeah, that sucked, and the physical effects are not affecting me at this point, but I have to sort out a lot of emotional effects. It sucks to be reminded how fragile my body is and how easily it can utterly fuck me up without warning.

That is that, and that is why I have been quiet on the interwebs. Do not worry, I'm fine, I'm making modifications so my body won't fail me that way again. (It will fail me in new and different ways!)

So today is the first day I can really get back to work on Cicatrix. Which is terrifying unto me, just because of the places I have to go inside myself to write it. I have to get it done, though. It's not going to let me go til I'm done. And it's a good old-fashioned katabasis, so I will end in the light of the sun. I'm just stuck in the underworld right now and resisting hard.

I have decided that I get a puppy when I finish this book. I think that is only fair.

I actually have been super-efficient this month, so I have absolutely no other tasks in my way. The only thing I have left to do is write a recommendation letter for Elayna for Smith. I have no deadlines, I'm done with the month's copyediting, I have gone through all the slush, I have hung all the art that can currently be hung. I am fighting not to artificially create tasks to put in my own way. Which, yes, I have done before.

It's hard to breathe in the underworld.

Here are some links I have been saving for you; then I will get to work. (I'm off chat and everything.) All about sexual harassment and/or violence, so skip the rest of this post if you need to! But if you can, please do read them. They're all important.

* “He might be on the spectrum.” But what about me?
* The Longest War
* One in Three Kinksters Reports a Boundary Violation

And that is all for now; see you on the other side.
28th-Jan-2013 03:18 pm (UTC)
Wishing you better days.
28th-Jan-2013 03:36 pm (UTC)
Neti answers: “Quiet Inanna, the ways of the Underworld are perfect. They may not be questioned.”
28th-Jan-2013 05:57 pm (UTC)
A puppy AND a goat.
28th-Jan-2013 06:50 pm (UTC)
Extra puppitude with your puppeh.

Oh, and the Feministe link? EVERY BIT OF YES.
28th-Jan-2013 11:11 pm (UTC)
I am reasonably neurotypical, so please shoot me down gently if I'm sticking my foot down my throat, but re. the feministe link... isn't it kind of insulting and dehumanizing to people with autism spectrum disorders when the assumption is made that anyone who can't behave around women is probably "on the spectrum"? This is not at all my area of expertise, but in my limited experience it seems that people with autism, Asperger's, or similar disorders are likely to be particularly careful about treating others with respect, perhaps BECAUSE those are things that they know that they have to be consciously aware of.
29th-Jan-2013 02:33 pm (UTC)
Yes. That is also part of the point of the article.
29th-Jan-2013 03:26 pm (UTC)
Okay. I didn't see anything in there that made that point, but admittedly I read it with ire.
29th-Jan-2013 06:46 pm (UTC)
The main point is that people who tell women to ignore creepers "because he might be on the spectrum" are erasing the women who are on the spectrum--the writer has non-verbal learning disability--and who have trouble reading social cues. That is, if they can so easily wave off male creepy behaviors as "oh, spectrum," when chances are the creeper isn't actually on the spectrum, why aren't they expressing the same empathy for the woman involved, since she may, you know, ACTUALLY be on the spectrum? (A: because they're more interested in upholding the rape culture and kyriarchy; and victim blaming.)

Unlike the dudes, I was not cut any slack. It’s unforgivable for a girl or woman to not be socially adept. That’s our role—not to mention the fact that a lot of people believe the BS about women’s intuition, so the fact that we’re not already mind-readers is already a big strike against all women, anyway. So it was somehow a gross character flaw for me to not be good with these things.

If you decry the fact that a woman is so unfriendly, unwelcoming, or cold and you’re not considering that this might be her workaround to keep herself safe due to a disability, don’t ever go on about how a guy may be socially awkward. And you know? It isn’t just NLD and autism spectrum disorders that we have to remember. What if the woman who has set up mile-high boundaries, who comes off as hostile, has PTSD and this is tripping her triggers? What if she’s got serious social anxiety or another mental illness that affects how she interacts with people? I mean, if we’re going to insist on compassion and empathy, can we have some extended to women and girls? Can we not disappear girls and women when we talk about abelism?

All these people who come out of the woodwork, quite suddenly worried about abelism, are nowhere to be found when it comes to girls and women who have to deal with this crap. If a girl or woman is trusting of a boy or man and gets assaulted, these self-declared defenders of the non-NT are nowhere to be found—I never see any of these scamps saying, “Hey, maybe she had a neurological issue and didn’t get the cues that this was a bad situation.” It never occurs to any of these folks that we also have to deal with the business end of harassment and assault and misogyny. We’re basically disappeared by the very folks who insist they are our allies. (bolding mine)

Edited at 2013-01-29 06:47 pm (UTC)
29th-Jan-2013 09:39 pm (UTC)
The main point I recognized pretty clearly, but I was asking about a different aspect of this whole set of circumstances.

The question that I was asking was something of a secondary point: did the article address how the assumption that being "on the spectrum" is an excuse for inexcusable behavior, in addition to being victim blaming and erasing women as people who can have diagnosed disabilities that should be accounted for, also insults people, male or female, who do have autism spectrum disorders but do not creep on women, because they recognize that just because it is difficult for them to read social cues does not mean that they get a free pass in their interactions with other people.

My initial comment may not have been clear, and looking at that previous paragraph I'm not sure that that will help, so let me try a different path. It's kind of like how in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting, people had to come out and say "DO NOT turn this into being all about mental illness, because having a mental illness doesn't mean that you're going to go on a shooting spree. There are a lot of people who are mentally ill but are making a lot of effort at treatment, and the sheer existence of mental illness doesn't make a person unfit for society." Saying "Dude's a jackass? Must be an autism spectrum disorder" overlooks that you can have an autism spectrum disorder and not be a jackass, and also that you can be a neurotypical jackass. It's not only blaming women for being creeped on, but even if you were to look at it as a good-faith attempt to draw attention to ableism it's still ableist, albeit in a different way.

Does that make any more sense?
29th-Jan-2013 10:05 pm (UTC)
Sheelzebub is pointing out the obvious hypocrisy in writing off creepy guys as being on the spectrum, as the writers-off blame it on ableism against the neuroatypical, while not making any exceptions for the creeped-on. See the bolded sentence in the final excerpt.

I don't see how not explicitly addressing the fact that it's ableist to say "creeper? let him be, he's just autistic" invalidates her point. It's like arguing that an article about a specific type of oppression that I experience/d isn't about this other kind of oppression that you want me to write about.

It's not an article about what you want it to be about. It's the article Sheelzebub wrote about her experiences with people telling her that she should give creepers leeway because they're just socially awkward while SHE's the one with an inability to decode non-verbal language.

It's about the blatant hypocrisy of people allowing creepy guys leeway while "defending" the rights for neuroatypical people while continuing to blame women for not being perfect, about not granting women the same leeway they'd grant men.
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