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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Well. That was some weekend. 
24th-Sep-2012 01:22 pm
Boondock/can't believe
Those who follow me on Twitter may have seen (and were very worried by) some of my tweets about this weekend, which can be summed up as: during my party Saturday, a huge boundary violation occurred that caused me to have to leave the party because I could not even look at one of the people involved; I chose not to bring it up with that person because I did not want to detonate their drama bomb in the middle of my party. I tried to stay with the party, but when that person continued to repeatedly violate said boundary three times in five minutes, I had to go upstairs.

I spent a few hours up there, until it got to me so very much that I was being punished, exiled from my own party, shoved essentially out of my own house, for something that I didn't do.

At which point I asked Judah to ask this person to leave.

At which point I found out more info that made things even worse in a different direction, and yesterday I found out *more* things that made everything *so* much worse in two different ways...

Yeah, I was in my pajamas all yesterday. You would be too.

When not in incandescent and well-deserved rage, I have been having very deep emotional conversations for hours at a time. So I am straight-up exhausted. I feel like I probably actually know the extent of everything by now, and root causes, and we're getting to where we can breathe. (It helped when Judah realized how sociopathic the other person's behavior has been since the day we met them.)

I'm not ready to go into exactly what happened and why it was as bad as it was. I know that vague LJ posts make people cranky, but I am taking care of me and my people right now, and if not having details makes you cranky, I leave you to work out your crankiness on your own.

What I am going to do is make a bunch of posts about boundaries (why mine are where they are, why people should respect people's boundaries even if they don't agree with them/have different boundaries), honesty, and respect.

Not everything I'm going to talk about in these posts has to do with this weekend's events (and the things precipitating them). Some of them are the products of months of musing. I haven't been on LJ much, so I have a backlog of pontification! But the unrelated-to-this-weekend things are thematically similar to the what-the-fuck-weekend things, so I'm going to run them all together. Basically, if you read these trying to connect the dots, you'll be really confused and end up with something totally nonEuclidean.

24th-Sep-2012 05:33 pm (UTC) - Suck
Well that sounds like it was an epic ball of suck.

I will do my best to avoid non-euclidean space over the next little while of reading. I'm dealing with some thinky thoughts on boundaries and expectations and such myself, so I suspect it will be good for me to read someone terribly smart mulling and pontificating.

Also, you go right ahead and be as vague as you like while taking care of you and your people right now.

Brave heart and best thoughts,
24th-Sep-2012 06:03 pm (UTC)
I don't know what happened (nor do I need to), but I'm upset that it happened to you. This must have all gone down before I arrived ...

Edited at 2012-09-24 06:04 pm (UTC)
24th-Sep-2012 07:58 pm (UTC)
Yep; it's why I was upstairs when you got here.
24th-Sep-2012 06:12 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry there was such an immense magnitude of SUCK involved. IN YOUR HOME.

(Doesn't it give you a wedgie that, so often, the people who violate boundaries skip along merrily while the violated withdraw so as not to explode drama bombs they did not create? GAAH.)

You stay jammied as long as needed, dear. Fill us in if/when it's a good idea. If there are people who need ostracizing, chewing out or other corrective action, you go right ahead and say the word.
24th-Sep-2012 06:41 pm (UTC)
(Mostly I was thinking of whipped cream pie-type corrective action, nothing actually harmful, just to clarify. If said help involves munchables for you and yours instead of lobbed at anyone else, holler.)
24th-Sep-2012 06:13 pm (UTC)
Take care of you. If there is anything I can do, let me know.
24th-Sep-2012 06:42 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry that a party that you chose to throw in your home, that would no doubt have used up a large number of your spoons no matter what, turned out to be a less-than-excellent time for you. Man, that sucks.

(And now I know why you made the post about relationship status. Since, of course, LJ entries appear latest-first, I was wondering what that was all about. I'm sorry that this unfortunate incident made such a post necessary.)
(Deleted comment)
24th-Sep-2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :) Writing the posts is really helping!
24th-Sep-2012 07:29 pm (UTC)
I cannot even be coherent around the thought of that much of a violation of boundaries and hospitality.

I am so sorry that you had to deal with it, and I'm glad you asked Judah to ask the person to leave.
24th-Sep-2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Oh, I was incoherent for a while.
24th-Sep-2012 07:46 pm (UTC) - This is when
I want your Amazon wishlist to include chocolate. Wait, do you even LIKE chocolate?
24th-Sep-2012 07:57 pm (UTC) - Re: This is when
Not generally! I like spiced hot cocoa, and I like some Vosges bars, but I don't have a big sweet tooth. I have a salty tooth where my sweet tooth should be!
24th-Sep-2012 10:18 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure whether to be glad that my weapons-grade obliviousness apparently meant not perceiving any of this, or unhappy because it precluded any possibility of offering you support at the time. Probably both in some mixture.

Have a belated offer of support, listening, and/or good wishes, or whatever would actually be helpful to you if none of those apply. (I suppose "support" is generic enough that it would cover a lot of things.)

[Apologies for this being less than coherent. I'm still in a bit of a Benadryl haze.]
24th-Sep-2012 10:25 pm (UTC)

And a great big bowl of homemade Chex Mix made without the Wheat Chex and including gluten-free mini pretzels and savory rice crackers and whatever kind of nuts you like best. (Dude, I have got to try this with cashews. And then bring you a bowl.)
25th-Sep-2012 01:16 am (UTC)
I feel like I should make you "sorry that sucks" truffles (you know, truffles you make for someone when there's nothing else to DO but you want to do SOMETHING), but uh, there's a backlog right now.

Have an IOU? You can cash it in later…
25th-Sep-2012 04:34 pm (UTC)

I heartily approve of feeling better through direct communication with specific people, and before the direct communication, cryptic bits that others hear because it all makes sense in one's head and can't all come out for fear of bursting into tears and flame at the same time.

I'm glad you were able to get that person out of your house. I hope they never impinge on your life again. It sounds horrible. *strength*
26th-Sep-2012 04:10 am (UTC)
Ugh. So sorry that happened, and glad your partner had your back there. And you've definitely made conversational lemonade from that pile of lemons; seems like lots of people have been helped and thought-provoked by your recent post.
7th-Oct-2012 05:03 pm (UTC)
Oh no! How inexcusably awful.

2 weeks in the past as usual
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