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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Oh, sleep doc, you are hilars. 
6th-Mar-2012 03:31 pm
Brain worms
Just got back from my sleep doctor. Apparently I'm fine?

Or just oversensitive.

See, during the sleep study, I was tracked as waking up several times. "But that wasn't long enough for you to be aware of it."

"...but I was aware of it. I just told you about all of those."

"Well, that's not a long enough period of wakefulness for a human mind to perceive."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

MY NEW SUPERPOWER

YAY

I only should have registered one awakening. According to him. But the other times? I was just dreaming that I woke up, maybe? At the exact same time as the electrodes say I woke up? SPOOKY.

Spooky or bullshit. YOU DECIDE.

*ahem*

So yes. Since apparently it was clear that I did not want the thousands of dollars and several years of cognitive behavioral therapy, i.e. the problem he specializes in fixing, I apparently do not have any problem at all, try melatonin, maybe get to bed half an hour earlier, thank you, drive through.

He says my sleep quality (when I am not waking up or supposedly hallucinating that I am waking up at the exact same time as I'm waking up) is good, because I dream, but I should get more sleep. I personally would like to find a way to sleep without taking heavy doses of Lunesta every night, because that is actually really not good for you! But that's not his priority. I guess.

Such a wonderful use of my time.

So yeah, add "able to sense improbably short periods of wakefulness" to my list of detrimental superpowers, right next to "able to become severely nauseated by someone peeling an orange on the next block" and "OMFG NEW YORK WHAT THE HELL".
Comments 
6th-Mar-2012 08:43 pm (UTC)
It's better when your bizarre superpower has a good medical name, like mine: Polymorphous Light Eruption! Doesn't that sound like I should be the Dazzler or something?

I'm sorry the sleep doc was Useless; any hope of a second opinion you could force him to send your results to?
6th-Mar-2012 08:46 pm (UTC)
It does! Now I really wish you were Dazzler.

I'll talk to my primary care doc about second opinions.
6th-Mar-2012 09:33 pm (UTC) - I DON'T SLEEP I DREAM
I ♥ detrimental superpowers.
Hypnogogic hallucinations FTW!

(Think I've seen the thing in this icon on my ceiling).
6th-Mar-2012 09:42 pm (UTC)
Wow. That is so lame-ass.
6th-Mar-2012 09:43 pm (UTC)
Ask him for a copy of the data, and pass it on to somebody who isn't useless?
7th-Mar-2012 01:14 am (UTC)
This.
6th-Mar-2012 09:50 pm (UTC) -
Ugh. I'm sorry to hear your sleep doctor was as useless as mine. The techs I spoke with (who were far more helpful) say that very few doctors actually specialize in sleep, they just get certified in it to supplement their own specialties and to make more money. Which means that, as you wrote, if your symptoms don't match what they already expect/want to treat, then clearly you must be fine.

Anyway, I don't have anything helpful to say here except that you have my sympathy.
6th-Mar-2012 10:09 pm (UTC)
WOW, thank you Doctor Useless. Also, not believing what your patient tells you is a sign of a bad doctor.
6th-Mar-2012 10:13 pm (UTC)
Is it possible to take the recordings from the sleep study to another sleep specialist to look at? Assuming the guy running your study actually competently took data (I'm remembering the time when your GI doc did a test for h. pylori instead of a biopsy to diagnose celiac). I think you should add "Magnet for incompetnet and/or douchewipe docs" to your detrimental superpowers list.
14th-Mar-2012 02:43 am (UTC)
Maybe she should make a complete list of incompetent doctors and make the list available to friends upon request so we can avoid them.
6th-Mar-2012 10:24 pm (UTC)
Where did you have this done? I had a study last year at MGH, which went pretty well all in all; they diagnosed me w/mild sleep apnea (I don't stop breathing entirely so much as breathe rather shallowly at times) and took me seriously. You definitely have my sympathy for this whole mess, whatever it's worth. *virtual hug*
6th-Mar-2012 10:37 pm (UTC)
"OMFG NEW YORK WHAT THE HELL"?
6th-Mar-2012 11:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, phucque. PHUCQUE.

Come to think of it, that's the second time in 24 hours that I've typed that very response to a friend's complaint about incompetent medical professionals.

Some days there's not enough head-desk in the world.

7th-Mar-2012 01:26 am (UTC)
I hate docs like that.
7th-Mar-2012 01:40 am (UTC)
Well, if it helps any, my sleep doctors here in Chicago are fantastic, and I can get you their contact info. Of course, this would require you coming to Chicago, which may or may not be possible.

But yeah, definitely take the data and get a second opinion, this guy's a twat.
7th-Mar-2012 03:02 am (UTC)
"Vagina" is not an insult. "Flaming yeast infection," on the other hand, is a fine substitute, should you want a genital-based insult.
7th-Mar-2012 01:47 pm (UTC)
"Doc, just because your miniscule brain doesn't register wakefulness that quickly doesn't mean the same applies to me." Or something like that, is what I'd say. Supposed experts claim that we don't retain memories prior to a certain age, and yet I have memories that go back to my days in a carriage. Yes, it's freakish but not impossible. There is so much we don't know yet about how the human mind is mapped, he should not be making sweeping generalizations like that.
I have a detrimental superpower, too. "Able to be mildly incapacitated by the sound of a musket being fired at a parade." Yep, I got super dizzy and had to clutch a light pole to remain standing. My ears have always been super-sensitive.
7th-Mar-2012 02:48 pm (UTC)
The lack-of-sleep study I got a while ago yielded no useful results either... They said I hit all phases of sleep including REM sleep but I know I was awake the entire time. Having the guy come in every 30 minutes or so to put an electrode back in place helped me not sleep the entire time.

I think they make crap up at times when they have no idea what's going on with someone.
8th-Mar-2012 01:02 pm (UTC)
ughhhh how ridiculous
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