Elayna comes in from rehearsal clutching a package from her notorious great-aunt. (If you've ever heard me bitch about my aunt: that one.) She opens the package. Within it is a card for me cheerfully informing me that I am old and decrepit, and a gift-wrapped package for her.
Elayna, excited: "Is this a book? It looks like a book."
Me: "It could be a book."
Elayna: "It is a book! What book? How do you know?"
Me: "Dude, I have no idea."
Elayna: "...you sounded knowing."
Me: "I often do."
Elayna opens the package. It is not a book. It is a pleather picture frame with "FRIENDS" on the front in silver letters.
Me, fake-chipper: "A picture frame! Exactly what every seventeen-year-old girl wants for her birthday!"
Me: "You can put your picture of Justin Bieber in there!"
Elayna: "I do not have a picture of Justin Bieber."
Me: "I'll get you one. He's the voice of your generation and all."
Elayna: "I DO NOT WANT A PICTURE OF JUSTIN BIEBER. Seriously, though. I am so disappointed. I thought it was a book."
Me: "She would never have gotten you something as cool as a book."
Elayna: "I got all excited. It was rectangular."
Me: "Do you even have any books on your wishlist?"
Elayna: "No but it could've been an art book. She knows I like art."
Me: "I guarantee you she did not retain that information. Look, I can photoshop a picture of you with Justin Bieber. It'll be perfect."
Elayna: "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?"
Me: "But that's what every seventeen-year-old-girl wants!"
Elayna: "Augh! I am going to my room."
Me: "Unpack a box."
I am meanest mom.