10mg of Ambien treats me about the same as 3mg of Lunesta, in that I wake up at 4, manage to get back to sleep, and get not-deep, not-restorative sleep for another few hours. So at least last night wasn't as bad as the night before. I have a call in to the doctor, because I only have 7 Ambiens left, so... that's not going to last me.
I forgot to mention! I went back to sleep yesterday morning, got about an hour and a half, and I remembered my dream, which I generally do when I don't sleep deeply. I was at a party. Yes, a bunch of you were there. And so was irana
I think I dream about irana
more than any other friend who's passed away. The first few times, waking up was just awful, because every time I would remember that she was dead, when she was just alive and laughing in my dream. This time it wasn't awful. This time I remembered, nodded to myself, and thought she was having a great time at that party
. She always had a great time.
I have to go write, and I'm feeling tremendous resistance to that. Because I'm better-rested today, I have some energy, and I have other Stuff to Do that I want to be doing! And I know that, after I write, I will be exhausted. I don't want to lose that energy. I DON'T WANT TO GO IN THE CART.
But I must, and afterward I must go through and decide what part of it I'm reading at Arisia; as I told my fellow readers cucumberseed
yesterday, I write Cicatrix
in sort of a fugue state. I resurface and I don't recall everything I just wrote. I have no idea what I have.
And now I must get to it.