Happy birthday to norilana
Happy birthday to skogkatt
, and beloved omnisti
, who advance a year over the weekend! State of the Song
Very. Very. Tired. Long nap-free weekend, plus a triple-long day on Monday where I didn't get to sleep til after midnight (and had massive stress), doctor and therefore no nap (and a huge phlebotomy bruise because they did not use the vein I helpfully pointed out to them) yesterday, and I have an eight-hour workday today. I will need to pack and get to bed early tonight.You don't know my story.
During check-in at the doctor's office yesterday:
PA: "How much do you weigh?"
Me: "I don't actually know right now."
PA: "...would you like to get weighed?"
Me: "Sure, why not."
PA, weighing me: "118! In jeans! You're so lucky."
Me, blinking: "Well. I've had a lot of weight fluctuations."
PA: "Oh, me too." And she chatters about diets and stuff, and I'm thinking no, mine were like me almost starving to death because my body couldn't absorb nutrients, or putting on 60 pounds and getting sciatica and bursitis from the extra weight, and that happened because of a drug that also made me brainfoggy and oh yeah suicidal. It's been a while, given the crowds I hang out in, since I got the thin-is-best thing this blatantly. PA, you don't know my story. For me, the thinner I am, the more my immune system is eating my intestines, the closer I am to gastric cancer, the closer I am to weekly weigh-ins and a feeding tube.
This is one thing my activism in particular has taught me, is that you don't know anyone's story. You can't assume that any particular thing that society values is good for that particular person. Listen.
And I thought, "in jeans, she said," and I imagine the PA taking off her jeans so she'll weigh what, half a pound less? and I worry. Because the messages we get about our bodies, especially those of us with female-type bodies, are so narrow and vicious. I don't know how much I weigh - well, I do now - because numbers don't mean anything, and numbers are one of the weapons of the patriarchal beauty standard. I refuse to be upset because I'm 118 and not 105. My clothes fit, I look good, and I can dance. The tiny difference between jeans and no-jeans is not going to change how I feel about my body.Link Soup
* A fantastic analysis of why Boston's winter felt so brutal this year
* Muppet nail polish
. Dear everyone, this is what I want for Chanukah.Link Soup: Daily Science Edition
* NASA concludes attempts to contact Mars Rover Spirit
. Aw. :(
* Evidence mounts for liquid water on Enceladus
. They will have to engineer gills onto the space ponies.Plans
Today's a staff planning day at BARCC - full eight hours, offsite (so no 'net). Oof. Love co-workers, but am nap-deprived! Also need to pack. I always get tense about packing for long trips out of town, especially considering that I have things it'd be disastrous to forget, that I can't get where I'm going. The benefit of Madison is that there are drugstores, health food stores, and lots of other necessity-type stores within walking distance - I don't have to pack five days' worth of food, and there's a GF bakery not in walking distance that grntserendipity
and I will haul over to Friday morning, so I won't have to pack a loaf of bread.
Look, the TSA guys look at you funny when you have a loaf of bread in your carry-on. I am just saying. And I'm already opting out of the pornoscanner/bonus-autoimmune-disorder-t
rigger-machine and getting extra TSA attention. So.
I fly out tomorrow at 11. I may be online tomorrow morning (and tonight), but probably not a lot, if at all, due to the Importance of Packing and Lack of Time. Having a double shift today is kicking my ass packingwise; I really needed this afternoon!
And speaking of my double shift, I must go get ready. Hopefully I can pop back on tonight!