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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
It's been one month since sindrian returned to Ohio to finish… 
23rd-Jan-2011 12:01 am
It's been one month since sindrian returned to Ohio to finish his degree.

In five months, he will graduate and come visit, then go to his summer internship in California.

In eight months, he will be home in Boston for good.

I count the days, the nights, the space in the bed that would be his, the absence of him; I keep my silent constant tally. We say "Next year in Boston", but he missed this Arisia, will miss this birthday, this BARCC Walk, this Blogathon. We can't hit a pause button on the rest of the world.

Eight months.
23rd-Jan-2011 05:18 am (UTC)
Ohio? That's where I am!
23rd-Jan-2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
Oh? Which bit?
I'm down in Cincinnati.
23rd-Jan-2011 07:02 am (UTC)
Aww, the distance sucks. I completely sympathize in a way I wouldn't have just a few weeks ago (what with nothingoth in VA and me in AZ. We keep saying similar stuff about next time and eventually and soon.) I'm glad to hear that you have a definite plan though. Knowing that you'll be together in one place in 8months must help immensely. (The lack of that is the biggest problem in my otherwise immense happiness in my new relationship.)

Anyway, you don't need to hear me say it, but hang in there. :)
23rd-Jan-2011 06:12 pm (UTC)
Knowing that you'll be together in one place in 8months must help immensely.

I so support the truth of this statement.
23rd-Jan-2011 12:26 pm (UTC)
I understand this completely. I have a similar tally since my husband joined the Army last spring at the venerable age of 40 (long story). During his Basic and AIT (job training) alone, we were apart for Youngest Daughter's graduation, his birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, daughter's birthday, and taking Youngest to college. You adjust. You cope. But it matters.
23rd-Jan-2011 02:02 pm (UTC)
much sympathy and understanding - my partner is in the US, I'm in the UK, and poly being poly can't change that by the usual marriage route, since he's already married (to a dear friend).
23rd-Jan-2011 02:09 pm (UTC)
I was the queen of long distance. I dated a stateside boy during my gap year in Israel. After that, living in North Jersey and dating a boy in Philly seemed easy.

And then I started dating mbarr while still living in my mom's house.

For a girl who had been in a relationship spanning 6,000 miles, 15 seemed too much to bear.

So much hugs, for I know how hard this is. And though he is missing the now things, they are so much smaller in number than the future ones.
23rd-Jan-2011 04:52 pm (UTC)
We can't hit a pause button on the rest of the world.

I fully understand that.
23rd-Jan-2011 05:55 pm (UTC)
Which space in the bed would be his? Who relocates when bed partners change, or do you change beds?

I don't mean that in any sort of judgmental way. My circle is figuring out how things will work when more than just two of us find ourselves under one roof. This is partially eased by my preference to sleep alone, but it still makes for needing more bedrooms than is really practical.
23rd-Jan-2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
Hmm. I guess that's one of the ways having a triad is easier than a V (or whatever multiple-V-ish configuration. If the bed is big enough, 3 in a bed works just fine for sleeping.

(Still, I relate to the wanting to sleep alone thing. Another bedroom would be really nice sometimes.)
23rd-Jan-2011 07:29 pm (UTC)
Ah! This is when to mention that Adam and I have been sleeping in separate bedrooms. Which I hasten to say is not indicative of a Problem in the Marriage.

Adam has never been able to sleep with anyone touching him, so we aren't missing out on sleep-snuggling. But the roar of the CPAP (he needs it on the second-highest setting; his apnea is hardcore) was waking me up to eight times a night; I was out of my mind with sleep dep and at high risk of seizure (sleep dep is my #1 seizure trigger).

We each have home offices, and he really wasn't using his save for storage; we mucked it out and he got a bed. (His desk is still there - he hasn't lost office space.)

So now we both sleep through the night, and there's no mad shuffle when someone sleeps over. And Adam doesn't have to worry about me glomping him awake in the middle of the night. (And he actually has the comfier bed now. But new bed for me is not on the priority list.)

I'm glad we went for more bedrooms than we technically needed. Adam and I both need office space where we can shut the door, else we shall go mad. That was worth the higher rent, for us...
23rd-Jan-2011 09:02 pm (UTC)
Aha! This explains the recent quest for a bed!
23rd-Jan-2011 09:41 pm (UTC)

We actually accumulated enough Amazon.com credit to buy a bed on Amazon. For almost no actual cash. With free shipping.
23rd-Jan-2011 09:45 pm (UTC)
Wait, Amazon sells beds? One of us, either me or them, is really unclear on the meaning of the word "bookstore".
23rd-Jan-2011 09:47 pm (UTC)
Dude, they sell cars.
23rd-Jan-2011 07:06 pm (UTC)
About 8-10 months before I finished grad school, I started counting the days. (I was hitting some serious burn out.) A bunch of my classmates picked up on this & started asking me every so often how many days were left. They always seemed surprised & amused when I answered "182" or "94" or whatever the exact number every time. But I found the daily shrinking number really encouraging. :)

My sympathies on the long distance, btw. Been there, done that, repeatedly. It bites four-assed-monkey-butt. OTOH, it's really rough cohabitating with someone in the last year of grad school. Small blessings?
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