Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Tew's Day

Happy birthday to desperance!

State of the 'Song
World of cranky.

Still Don't Want To Talk About It
You may have noticed that I did not do a lot of writing or submit a lot of writing in 2010. Like almost none. Yes, sort of on purpose.

I am going to talk about this a bit elliptically, and I know that that will probably be annoying to some people, but I am not ready to unpack it more than that yet. I will tell you when I am. So please don't ask.

In late 2009, something happened that pushed a lot of my buttons. I won't call it triggery, because I reserve that word for a specific set of circumstances that this wasn't. But it had a lot to do with this: with being on the young side and female and - you guys, I am not being egotistical here, but sexually attractive* - and being a SF/F writer. Because I walked into the pro-writer thing with the same attitude that I'd walked into cons with before I'd ever thought of submitting a story, and that attitude, in part, involves me being a sexual person. Not trampy, mind. But I will not hide the fact that I have tits. And an ass. Well, I kinda can't hide the ass. But I'm not going to wear a suit to cons, I'm going to wear cute dresses and jeans and t-shirts, and I am a friendly person, and yeah, I bounce when I walk.

And everything was fine until it wasn't and I was in this tangled morass of people I'd respected being sexually inappropriate with me and the spectre of assumptions about me.

The creep factor was high.

You may have noticed that I have been doing more panels about rape culture and parenting than I have about writing. This is because people are much less likely to get sexually aggressive with me when I'm talking about rape. For serious! I mean, I like doing those panels, I'm not saying I'd choose not to. But in a way, they're my armor.

I love the stories in my head, but I have not been wanting to be part of the marketing of them, is what I am saying I guess. I have become acutely uncomfortable with this process. And I need to figure out how to unblock, how to be myself, how to not be creeped out.

So there's that. Later today I'll post the short list of stuff that I did get out there that's eligible for awards because marketing agh okay.

If you read my Twitter, you know that my accomplishments yesterday may include getting a bus driver fired. And definitely include getting a notice posted on that the 73 is back to boarding on the lower busway. (It's been boarding on the upper busway since June due to construction.)

Short version: If you are a bus driver, do not call people morons and assholes for following the MBTA's posted signs (ie, not knowing that boarding had moved because the sign directing us to the upper busway was still there). Do not threaten to strand them. Because one of your passengers may be a bitch with a smartphone. Who knows the Twitter handle of the MBTA's general manager. I mean, there are other reasons to not act like that. But every bus, at this point, probably has a bitch with a smartphone. So that should provide extra incentive.

EDIT: They replaced the incorrect sign at Harvard Square with a prominently-placed sign directing 73 passengers to the lower busway. Never let it be said that Twitter is ineffective at this stuff.

Link Soup
* 109 cats in sweaters.
* Murnkay strikes again.
* Authorities often aware of previous incidents of victimization among children and adolescents.
* Welcome to Haiti's reconstruction hell [TRIGGER WARNING].

Daily Science
Greece's culture ministry says archaeologists on the island of Crete have discovered what may be evidence of one of the world's earliest sea voyages by humans.

I am having a case of "I don't wanna"; with that + the cold + no ride, I probably won't be at Diesel. I did get a chunk of my home office cleaned yesterday, but I should really pounce on it and get the whole thing taken care of. After work.

* EDIT: Unpacking 'sexually attractive': Because argh do I feel freaking awkward even saying it. And I feel like it'll be taken as an ego thing, and it's not. I don't claim to be physically attractive. I am not a pretty girl; that is not what I do. I base "sexually attractive" not on my interior opinion of myself; I base it objectively on actual data. If the number of people who express a keen interest in having sex with you is greater than x you are sexually attractive. Because these people are wanting to have sex with you. Is all. I dunno, clearly I get all turned around in my head about this and I'd much rather not be looked at.
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