I spend Christmas with my birthfamily.
The family that raised me where we push each other's buttons like whoa, I refer to as my family.
Quick backstory for new kids: I was adopted when I was six weeks old. My birthmom found me when I was four. For the last ten years, we've been visiting her brother and sister-in-law's house with her Christmas week.
I do not have past drama with my birthfamily! So there is no "they keep disrespecting you" thing. That's the family who raised me, to whom I apparently will always be 14 and Trouble.
So everything that happened this year should be judged on this year alone. And it is solely 100% because they did not understand my condition. (I'm pretty sure they still don't get it, but progress has been made.) Remember, last year at this time, I was eating gluten to deliberately fuck up my intestines for a biopsy - and I timed the biopsy the way I did so as not to inconvenience them.
Additional data point: They have never seen me non-glutened, save the first day of our trip. So one thing we were running up against was that I didn't seem much different, so this picky eating thing, what?
Whereas my parents who raised me, who I *do* have the drama with, have actually seen me non-glutened and know how significant the difference is. So even though Dad still says "well, a lot of people who have celiac can have a little gluten" and doesn't really believe me when I tell him that isn't so, he still won't cut things with the same knife, even if he eyerolls like he's humoring me. Because he's seen that it actually makes a difference. I think he just thinks my body is hypersensitive, and it well may be, but I want him in the habit of that level of attention, because he has co-workers with celiac.
So this is not a "that branch of the family sucks", thing. It's just this complete lack of understanding of this thing. I keep running up against the wall of that - I told them about it last year, and I reminded them in e-mail, and I sent links to read. But I think they didn't read them. Which is really frustrating, because when someone I know has a medical or dietary issue that affects my interaction with them, I read up on it. And act on it. Example: I had three cat-allergic people at Thanksgiving. So I scrubbed the house down, but not day-of because that stirs up dander. And I asked how allergic each of them are, since I know one is fine as long as she doesn't touch the cats and touch her face right after; one was so allergic that the cats couldn't be in the same room, so I moved them upstairs with food and a litterbox for the duration. To me, that is what you do.
I don't know where the disconnect is.
But yeah, this is Frustration for me, not Rage. Because this is this one bizarre isolated thing that is nonetheless really important. I think if they saw me well even once they'd get it. I hope. Because otherwise they're awesome.