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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
8th-Nov-2010 12:39 pm
Dream Today/Die Tomorrow
Today, I pulled together the disparate bits of Cicatrix from Blogathon and assembled the usable parts; 15,000 words. Basically a decent part of the skeleton of the thing.

I'd been holding off on that for months (clearly). As people who are not extremely new readers know, a friend of mine died the day I started Blogathon. I was told just after finishing my final Blogathon post. So every time I've gone back to try to harvest my Blogathon writing, I get gutpunched with that awful sick feeling of the whole time I was writing this, my friend was dead, and no one told me. Twenty-four hours of spinning story out of darkness and my friend was gone and I didn't know. It's the loss tangled up with the I should have been there to help guilt.

So I kind of couldn't even look at the LJ entries as I was copying and pasting.

Thankfully, that doesn't seem to translate completely to the text itself. I can look at the text in Scrivener and work with it, where looking at it on LJ twists the knife.

So it's transferred now. And the bones are there. feste_sylvain asked if I could outline it; I can't, because it reveals parts of itself to me as I write it. Hell, I didn't know about Ash's abuser's death when I started writing that day, but of course it is the catalyst for everything. I can't map the terrain I've yet to see. And it is almost a fractal form, this story - bits spiralling off of other bits. I need to walk beside the story and see where it goes.

I have been tying myself up in knots over writing. I have been putting Obligation Writing first, or trying to - I should do this for that anthology, I should edit that thing, I should submit this. And I've been balking every step of the way, because my hindbrain and my writerbrain know that that's not what I'm supposed to be doing. And so I have been doing *nothing*.

And Cicatrix has, frankly, been intimidating the crap out of me. Thing is, if I succeed at this? It's going to be my best work. I love my other stories but this is stronger, hits harder, burns hotter. And I've been wibbling about the stuff I should write first just in case I can never top this.

And no, fuck it. I have had a mess of signs and portents telling me in capslock that THIS is what I need to be working on. Go hard, go strong, leave it all on the floor and don't hold anything back.

And where can I possibly go from there?

I'll just have to set the bar higher. But I didn't really *want* to be lazy, anyway.

So yeah, great big stuff. It's scary. But most things that are worth it are a bit scary.
8th-Nov-2010 05:41 pm (UTC)
I love Cicatrix like little else I have read lately, including stuff by Big Name Authors™, and I love your brave, bright mind and heart. I really look forward to reading the whole story, and should it be published, I will purchase it and pimp the hell out of it. Go you.
8th-Nov-2010 05:48 pm (UTC)
Speaking of writing, I have a friend I just found again after a 30-some-odd year separation who tells me she has actually studied it in school. She has bits and pieces of stories that need and deserve to be published, but at the moment I'm not sure what genre she specializes in. All I do know is she's collected some pages about growing up in the region we did at the time we did (mid to late 70's). I'd like to help her get in touch with someone who can put her works into print. Any suggestions?
8th-Nov-2010 07:27 pm (UTC)
8th-Nov-2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
I'm honestly a big fan of writing by the seat of my pants. When I outline, I get bogged down and stressed trying to get to each point. It works better for me to let things unfold. I think of it as roleplaying with the people in my head. And most of the time, it doesn't even sound that crazy to me!

Also, I adore Scrivener. It's by far the best writing software I've ever used for me. I'm quite thrilled to have it.
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