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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
hairshock, plus 
22nd-Sep-2010 03:49 pm
I - I got my hairs cut, you guys.

Because I lost half my hair last year, it is slowly growing out and filling out, and every so often I take a deep breath and get a couple inches off to help it look sort of level as it grows back. Last week I noticed that I have a lot of thick curly healthy hair almost to my shoulders, and then the thin fried stuff. So. Hair appointment.

Stylist says "Are you okay with losing a few inches?"

Deep breath. Feel down healthy hair to fried hair, mark the end of the healthy hair with my fingers. "Yep. That."

So yeah, I have shoulder-length hair now. A little longer in the back because layers. But yes. I am shaking my head and feeling the hair not being there and Elayna is mocking my pain.

"Elayna. I look like a grownup."

"Yes, Mother."

"But. Elayna. I am not a grownup."

"I know, Mother."


It's better than the pain of a thousand cuts of little trims. This way I don't have to re-get-used-to incrementally shorter hair. I just have to deal with this, and when it's over that will mean I have my hair again.

Stylist confirms that it is totally growing in blonde, and the ?!? is unanimous.

On my way home, I passed my eye doctor and decided to be a fucking grownup and schedule my visual field test. They actually had no appointments just then, so I got seen right away. They've changed the test - instead of flashing lights, now it's wavy lines. Went through my right eye pretty quickly, but my left eye was problematic. I wasn't blinking enough, the lines were far less distinct... he ran me through it five times, til I was getting a bunch of false positives. "The whole world is wavy lines now," I lamented. Nyargh. There is one part of my visual field that I was consistently not registering, so I'll be back in a few months and we'll keep a close watch on it; with my eye pressure and corneal thickness, we're pretty much just waiting for the glaucoma to show up.

Why I resent medical stuff so much: because I will always be back in a few months. Opthalmology, rheumatology, neurology, mammography. I have a cardiologist and a pulmonologist. And on average, every six months for most of them. My neurologist and rheumatologist like to see me every two months. It is exhausting just to keep up with this shit. Which explains why I was several months late getting the visual field test and was growling in my head as I walked in, even though I like my opthalmologist. Because sometimes I just want a whole month of no doctors.

Grump. I will go schedule my October mammogram now, since I'm already in this mood.
22nd-Sep-2010 07:54 pm (UTC)
22nd-Sep-2010 07:58 pm (UTC)

She is so very patient with me.
22nd-Sep-2010 07:59 pm (UTC)
Blondes have more fun.
At least, that's what they say.
As if you NEEDED more fun in your life!
But you've got it NOW!

22nd-Sep-2010 08:05 pm (UTC)
I can't imagine you as a grown-up. :)
22nd-Sep-2010 08:59 pm (UTC)
That is so...fucking...weird.

Because I dreamed about you this morning. It was an incredibly vivid, multi-sensual, full color dream, and you were largely yourself in it (not always true when people appear in my dreams :-) ). Except for one thing.

You had thick, lush, golden-blonde hair down past your hips, and this was a topic of conversation in the dream. You took a tie off it and shook it out to show everyone and people were touching it.

I know it's the Equinox and a Full Moon, but...jeepers.
22nd-Sep-2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
Yeah. That's my real hair! I miss it...
22nd-Sep-2010 09:16 pm (UTC)
I want you to know that I feel you on this, maybe not for the same reasons, but yeah. I'm tired of doctors, being poked and prodded, and fuck, just being different. I don't want to go to all these appointments because it just reinforces that I am different.

I never have less than one appointment in a 10 day period. But...it does mean I am still alive and that works some days. :)

*hugs and love*
22nd-Sep-2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
Sisters in this. **hugs you**
22nd-Sep-2010 09:56 pm (UTC)
If there is ever anything I can do, even if it is just listen, never hesitate to get a hold of me.
22nd-Sep-2010 09:22 pm (UTC)
Why I resent medical stuff so much: because I will always be back in a few months.

Ugh, yes, this. -sighs-
22nd-Sep-2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
Why I resent medical stuff so much: because I will always be back in a few months.

It's why I've been failing to follow up on stuff I should, too. THANK YOU for putting it so clearly that I couldn't avoid seeing it any more.
22nd-Sep-2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
I grok your posts about medical stuff so hard. We have different stuff going on, but yeah.
22nd-Sep-2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
Yeah. *offers hugs*
25th-Sep-2010 02:29 am (UTC)
*big hugs*
22nd-Sep-2010 10:36 pm (UTC)
I can empathize.
23rd-Sep-2010 02:14 am (UTC)
Re: resenting always having to go back to doctors in a few months: this reminds me of how I was as a teenager. I've always had my disability, and I'm perfectly happy about it now, but for the longest time I totally resented all the doctors and the day to day stuff i have to do because I have my disability. So yeah, I totally get that. You're not alone there.
24th-Sep-2010 03:10 am (UTC)
I'm starting to feel the same way about it. I don't have nearly the same volume of doctors or long history of enduring it that you do, but while they got to know me my meds doc and my talk doc both wanted to see me every month, and now my meds doc will do every two and my talk doc will do every six weeks and I'm like "GUYS I PROMISE THE RITALIN IS WORKING AND I AM FAIRLY NORMAL!" I had a pernicious UTI that took two visits to clear up, more girl bits troubles that lead to seeing my gyn three weeks in a row and now every three months, and then conjunctiveitis. UGH. DOCTORS!
24th-Sep-2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
You have my sympathy about the hair cutting! Mine has gotten entirely too thin and scraggly... and yet I can't bring myself to shorten it. I do keep hoping it will thicken up and look healthy again some day.
26th-Sep-2010 04:19 am (UTC)
You should book a month off with no doctors. SRSLY. Take one 6-month visit a little early, and take a different 6-month visit a little late. BAZINGA.

I will visit you.
We will talk about how we have to go to the doctor NO WAIT WE DON'T HAHAHAHA BITCHEZ
29th-Sep-2010 12:08 am (UTC)
*high five forever*
30th-Sep-2010 07:06 am (UTC)
Why I resent medical stuff so much: because I will always be back in a few months.

This is my life, except I'm 25 and wasn't born with any of this shit. It just happened one winter between 20 and 21, and it's not very happy. I mostly don't go to the doctor because it's expensive to hear that meds won't touch me yet, but I need to come back in 1/2/6 months for continued monitoring. Fuck that noise. I have baseline data so I'm not going to be back until meds can help me.

And my 23 year old wife was fine and happy and delicious when she moved to Trinidad, then she got very very sick and came back to me as a non-functional being because Something Happened™ and No One Treated It™. So she's always got appointments and check-ups and tests and screenings and temper tantrums and pain and flailing and terror.

I'm a very bitter little beast, to say the least.
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