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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
2nd-Sep-2010 09:51 pm
Brief catch-up for new readers: In 2003, I Got Sick; I lost 50 pounds very quickly and lost half my hair. It took three years to grow back. I gained all the weight back and then some. Last summer, I switched medications, ditching the one that had weight gain as a side effect, and lost 40 pounds very quickly. Guess what? I lost half my hair again.

Side note: I did not drop lots of weight quickly on purpose, and I did get the eat a fucking sandwich death glare a lot when I was 5 pounds away from the feeding tube and abjectly terrified, and it's not cool. Don't do that to people. You never know.

Additional side note: I am 118 pounds now. At my skinniest I was 78, but also then I was a junkie barely out of my teenage years; my skinniest as an adult was 85, and yeah, that was Bad. My heaviest was 155ish (I stopped looking because I hated it so much). Before you judge my argh over being 155, please remember that I am 4'11", and that really is a lot for 4'11". My medically-ideal weight is supposed to be 100-105, but honestly, I'm happy at 118. I have a little belly pooch and my upper arms still show that I've lost a bunch of weight recently, whatever. With my medical history, I'd start getting paranoid were I any thinner. I do catch myself double-taking every so often - are my cheekbones too defined? am I In Trouble? no, just the lighting. Because seriously it is terrifying to be in freefall weightwise. But I fit into clothes I like, and my calves are solid muscle. I'm good.

So my hair. Both times it's fallen out, it's been very traumatic for me; my hair is a big part of how I define myself, how I see myself, and when it is thin and lank and barely there, I cannot feel like me. I lose my muchness. I just. Don't. Feel. Right.

It's coming back.

I already mentioned that, and that it was coming in blonde, which perplexes me. But the past few days I haven't just been tsking over the wisps that halo my face and make ponytails impossible. No, it's getting to the point where I can put my hands in my hair and it feels like my hair. Down past my ears to a little above my shoulders, my hair is starting to feel like my hair again. It's still thinner than it ought to be the rest of the way down, but it is actively coming back.

I just keep getting surprised when I touch my hair. Because look! Hair! I can haz!

...so I need a new LJ icon again. Because this one is half my hair. And it's coming back.
3rd-Sep-2010 02:17 am (UTC)
That's fantastic news! :D
3rd-Sep-2010 02:25 am (UTC)
It's amazing how much identity is wrapped up in our hair. Glad to hear you are starting to feel like the youest you.
3rd-Sep-2010 02:25 am (UTC)
Congratulations! :D
3rd-Sep-2010 02:32 am (UTC) - Here's to a healthy 'song!
Yay, yay, yayyy!
(Deleted comment)
3rd-Sep-2010 02:48 am (UTC)
I am glad for you, and hoping your body decides to forgo giving you troubles for as long as it can.
3rd-Sep-2010 04:23 am (UTC)
I can't wait to see it!
3rd-Sep-2010 04:37 am (UTC)
If I get to see you at Strowler con I will take a picture.
3rd-Sep-2010 06:40 am (UTC)
As one whose hair is also growing back... YAY! I'm happy for you.
3rd-Sep-2010 12:18 pm (UTC)
That is awesome :)
3rd-Sep-2010 01:22 pm (UTC)
Yay for your muchness! :)

And I confess...I almost rolled my eyes at the 155 thing, because GAH how I'd love to be that thin. But then again...I'm nearly a foot taller than you are. Sometimes I need reminded of that. :)
3rd-Sep-2010 03:46 pm (UTC)
Way to go Rapunzel! (Or should I say, "Goldilocks"?) One lock at a time!
3rd-Sep-2010 10:30 pm (UTC)
Before you judge my argh over being 155, please remember that I am 4'11", and that really is a lot for 4'11".

It was a lot for you. I know people who are 4'11" and weigh more than that, and who are delighted with their bodies.

Please understand that I am not judging you for saying that a certain weight felt too high for you--I just don't think it's appropriate to make judgments about what weights are right/feel right for other people.
3rd-Sep-2010 10:35 pm (UTC)
And no, you don't know me in person--I check out your LJ sometimes because I like your poetry.

And I understand that sometimes one doesn't choose one's words as carefully in a journal entry, even a public one, as one would in a professional setting, but I thought--especially in light of what you expressed about your completely understandable impatience with other people's body-policing you--that you might want to know how those words might come across as (what I am sure you did not intend) body-policing.
4th-Sep-2010 05:42 am (UTC) - I like parens a lot lately.
See, I'm a bad judge of hair or depth or something, because I've always looked at that picture and thought, "God, shadesong has a TON OF HAIR!"

My wife and my bestie both have overwhelmingly thick, intense (what they call) "mixed Asian hair" while I have very thin, fine hair that was further thinned (and didn't recover well) from a round of Depakote that went sour in my teens (about 10 years ago). I always thought you had hair like them, minus the black/nearly black bit.

So getting more hair is one of those O.O moments that makes me want to pet your hair to figure it out. HAIR! IS! EXCITING!
4th-Sep-2010 11:45 am (UTC) - Re: I like parens a lot lately.




My hair doesn't generally look thin unless you know how it's supposed to look! Because I start out with a lot. :)
4th-Sep-2010 06:53 pm (UTC) - Re: I like parens a lot lately.
That swing picture from 2007 is wild! I love it.
6th-Sep-2010 04:20 am (UTC) - Re: I like parens a lot lately.
So much hair! *laugh*
4th-Sep-2010 05:11 pm (UTC)
Epic [[hugs]].
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