Aaron is sprawled beside you, his hair making pale spirals in the new spring grass. You are not officially cloudwatching, but that's basically what you're doing. You have no agenda in mind, just an afternoon to yourselves, to each other. The air is still cool, still crisp, and the sky is cumulus-white and indigo.
Aaron turns over and digs in his messenger bag. "I forgot," he said. "There's a new yarn store by my work. I didn't know what you liked, so I just bought you some things that felt good."
The plastic bag he sends you is light for its size, and you see why - other than the spindle, there's just clouds of fiber, cumulus-white and dark grey and deep blue, wool and silk and who knows what else. He must have bought a little of everything. You look at him, perplexed; he shrugs self-consciously. "You told me that's what you did elsewhere. We always dance, like I grew up dancing, and - I know you miss it. I just thought..."
You sit up, piles of fiber in your lap. "I - yes. Thank you. It's just - that's not what it's about, me missing spinning."
"What, then?" He's still lying on his belly, hair disheveled, looking up at you. He is not hurt, just puzzled.
You try to parse it out. You stroke the white silk as you think. "It's about being somewhere safe."
"Are you not safe now?"
"It's not like that."
"Ash, what's it like? Because I want you safe. I want you happy. I want to help."
"I know." Your misery is only compounded by this, by his obvious distress. "I'm sorry. I wish I had words for this. It was my sanctuary."
"But it turned out to not be safe. Didn't it?"
"...yes." Jason's shadow, Jason's chill.
"Nowhere is safer than anyone else, you mean."
"And bad things can happen anywhere at anytime, right? No rhyme or reason. Nothing you should have done to prevent it."
He caresses the back of my hand with his, and his smile is gentle. "So teach me to spin."
"Clouds Enmeshed" Scarf by freyapax/natrlobsessions! Fluffy balls drift this way and that and allow the structure of the universe to peek through. 100% super-shiny tencel, hand-dyed (with indigo), hand-spun, *and* hand-knit by Andrea O'Sullivan. 6" wide, 60" log, and incredibly soft!
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