Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Blogathon: Cicatrix

You are not yourself, and so you do not know who you are. In being found, you are still lost.

You dance with him. You spend time at his apartment, which is a relentless clutter as your is sparse. He ornaments you - the jewelry from the hospital, and scarves and all manner of things in colors you've never worn. He cooks for you, and you have started gaining weight - not a lot, just enough that your mother wouldn't call you too skinny. Enough that you don't look like yourself, that you are perpetually startled when you see yourself in the mirror, in glass storefronts.

And you find yourself looking for Kai.

You don't want her. You don't. You look at her and you see everything she did at the ward and everything she says she's done since. You look at her and you see a wild thing, something vicious that is only biding its time.

But when you look at her, you see someone who remembers the girl you were.

You are not that girl now, and you are unmoored. You don't know how to be anyone else. You don't want Kai, you don't, but you want to be seen, you want to be remembered, you want a touch of the familiar. You want your roots, and you have no roots. The closest you have to roots lie a world away, untouchable, unreachable, unfindable.

No drugs. I promise.

You just need someone who remembers.

Lace shawl by sairaali! The pattern is Wisp by Cheryl Niamath; the yarn is Halftone Artisan Handpainted Yarns (merino wool/nylon). It's machine-washable, and made from yarn donated to the Con_or_bust project last year. It is more color than Ash is accustomed to, but it would be lovely on you.

Also, jesus christ Ash it's a lion get in the car.

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Team Venture wishes they were in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana.

We have laser ponies. Like Laser Cats. But ponies.
Tags: blogathon.2010, cicatrix
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