Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Your Questions Answered, Part One

Do you ever wish you could just adopt new parents?
I actually wish I could be unadopted! My birthmom is awesome. My life would have been very different. (My birthuncle built a house with secret hidden rooms and passageways in it for his sons. That's how different.)

If you had to decide, right now, where in the world IS Carmen Santiago?
She's chilling with the Silurians down in the core.

no a question so much as an admiration: I'm really impressed that you do what you do with what you have.
I do my level best!

May I have a cookie?
You may.

Why do you like knitting?
Hm. Well. Few reasons.
1. I fidget. I can't stand in line without dancing. I can't watch TV without doing *something*. I'm always in motion. So this gives me something to do with my hands, and for an awesome added bonus, that something is productive. I fidget and a scarf comes out. And it gets auctioned for charity. And I did that while I was watching Babylon 5.
2. I learned when I was on meds that left me severely brainfogged. I had a short-term memory of oh look a butterfly teacup pig! what does your shirt say I'm tired did I eat dinner yet? And, due to this, I had become epically unable to learn anything new, to retain knowledge. Which, to me, was horrifying and unacceptable. So the very patient emilytheslayer sat me down and taught me. And I doggedly pursued it. And I MADE IT STICK. Partially because I changed meds, but still. I looked at my years-long inability to learn new skills and I said "Fuck. That. Noise." And I persevered. So now every nifty shawl I turn out is a testament to that.
3. I like deep, saturated colors. I like the feel of silk and bamboo and baby alpaca in my hands. I like the feel of knitting. I like the sound of my needles - the click of bamboo or the slide of aluminum. Knitting is a sensual pleasure.

Do you remember any other life?

I know the first step is admitting that what happened was assault. What is the next step?
That varies strongly from person to person, but it's very often "talk about it". Google your local rape crisis center, or call RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE to be routed there directly. If you have a therapist already, talk to them. Talk to family or close friends. But once you've realized that it was assault, you are almost certainly going to be thinking about it a lot, and so my recommendation is to talk, ideally to a crisis counselor or therapist who knows what this process is like. I can't imagine how much smoother my recovery would've gone had I just spoken to someone in the know and realized that everything I was going through was normal and that there were time-honored things that could help. Good luck.

Do you believe that attractiveness is a privileged state?
I think it can be, but I think that, in some situations, it can also be a disadvantage. I think that's pretty situational.

How do you find markets for your work?
1. I look at where I read. I started submitting to Lone Star Stories (RIP!) because I found that I consistently really enjoyed the magazine.
2. I look at where my friends are getting published.
3. I look markets up on Duotrope - have a 1,500-word SF story? Duotrope will let you check those boxes and many more and produce a list of markets that want that.
4. Some you just know about. Asimov's, et cetera.
5. Recommendations from friends. nihilistic_kid suggested ChiZine because they had a superfast response time, so if I was going to get rejected, I'd be able to turn the story around quickly! They bought it! I was unprepared for that!

Is it patronizing to be extra cautious and stating you are being so, when dating someone who was sexually assaulted? How can you be polite without patronizing? Especially with the guys make the first move paradigm?
Oh, that's a good one. I would say it's not patronizing, as long as you don't keep saying it. I'd say tell them once - just "I know you're a rape survivor/have a sexual assault history, so I want to make sure I'm not pushing or pressuring you," or words to that effect. But if you say it on every single date, your date may want to punch you in the face after a while. Acknowledging that they may have PTSD is good; walking on eggshells isn't necessary.

How did you manage to not break under the strain of everything you've been through?
I... don't really have the luxury. I feel like maybe I had that luxury before, maybe not, but as a parent, I totally don't anymore. Essentially, I feel like when bad shit happens, you can curl up and die or you can get up and keep walking. For me personally, every time I'm sitting there making that choice, it's a little easier. Because I know I got up and kept walking that last time and the time before, so I know I can. First time's the hardest, because you may not know that you can get up and keep walking. But I know.

What is an aspect of fantasy settings that bothers you that someone might not expect, even if they know you?
Tolkienitis. JESUS CHRIST PEOPLE BE ORIGINAL. As a writer, Tolkien was an excellent linguist. But his characters were for shit and his plot was basically the Norse Eddas. Do not copy the man. Make your own damn world. (The most recent novel I read that was dude awesome worldbuilding was The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemison. That was all out of her own head, and it's great stuff.)

Am I attractive, and not just charming or manipulative?
You are attractive! Charming, too; I haven't seen any manipulative going on, but my in-person interaction with you has been pretty limited.

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