This song's been in my head since Wednesday, for obvious reasons.
irana's service (and celebration) is today. I want to be there; I can't.
My friends and guys have been good to me. Adam, feste_sylvain, and maxymyllyn talked me through Wednesday, with enderfem and swashbucklr chipping in via text message and kires via e-mail. pierceheart & co., mikemarano, Dave, and Liz joined me for a drink and the singing of "The Parting Glass". pierceheart toasted, among other things, "here's to us and those like us; damn few of us left." Ain't that the truth.
swashbucklr appeared at my door yesterday and said "Want to take a walk?" So we wandered for a few hours around Walden Pond, which I'd actually never been to. Let me tell you, it is all fey up in there. And it's another place where I fit. Took crappy cameraphone pictures of fallen branches that looked like masks, cairns that looked like they were designed by Miyazaki... carried a few stones to where they wanted to go. We found the place where I swear Neil Gaiman's story "October in the Chair" takes place - fourteen perfect sitting stumps in a circle.
swashbucklr: "But there are only twelve months."
Me: "There's a special seat for Leap Day, and one for the person they're telling the story to."
And we sat there in the circle and I talked about irana a bit.
I think that what happens when we die is whatever we believe will happen. I think Christians go to Christian heaven and people who believe in reincarnation get reincarnated, et cetera. I think that also people can stick around for a little bit - not in the ghosts with unfinished business way, but in the "on the way out of the party, lingering to hug everyone goodbye" way.
So I think maybe irana's maybe around a tiny bit, just for these few days, hugging people goodbye before she leaves the party for good and all. I hope she's heard me singing for her and telling my friends how completely freaking awesome she is and how much they would have loved her. I hope that she knows I am giving her a great big hug.
I was telling swashbucklr yesterday about her great big laugh. And even though I haven't actually heard it since I moved away, I swear it is still clear as day; I have been hearing her. May that memory never fade.
We live to dance another day,
it's just now we have to dance for one more of us.
So stop looking so damn depressed,
and sing with all our hearts,
Long live the Queen...