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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
And now for something completely different. 
26th-Jan-2010 05:00 pm
So I was chatting with a heterosexual male friend today, and we got onto the topic of penis size.

Y'know. Like you do.

He said, "I'm sort of tired of both narratives I get from the universe - either the bigger is better, which clearly is not true and doesn't indicate a good lover, or the "it doesn't matter at all even a little bit!" which is also clearly not true and depends on the lover."

And I can (and did) give him my response (which I'll give in comments, so farren won't be all MY EYES ARE BLEEDING again), but my experience is certainly not universal.

So. People who like penises.

I solicit your opinions.

Anonymous commenting is enabled. Feel free to comment with or without your name attached. Tell us what you like, don't like, look for, run away from. Speak to us of penis size. Ready set GO.
26th-Jan-2010 10:08 pm (UTC)
What I said in chat:

There's such a thing as too much, and I can work with smaller-than-average.
Depends on the skills.
One guy who was just way too much had considerable related skills, so we got along just fine.
Totally honestly, very small isn't going to rock my world.
Unless there are, as I say, other skills.
Big is always a good starting point. :)
But not if you don't know what you're doing with it.

To elaborate, I like big cocks and I cannot lie. But I know that part of that has to do with a preference for, shall we say, non-gentle sex - so the guy that comes in with something that's already on the big side absolutely has the edge there. I imagine that people who like things gentler have a preference for smaller penises? I don't know.

But, being the size I am, smaller can also be fine. Smaller-than-average in me could be slightly-larger-than-average in someone else. So it isn't that I exclusively require enormity, it's just a preference.

And there really is such a thing as too much. I did start laughing upon first contact once, at the sheer ridiculousness of the possibility.
27th-Jan-2010 02:03 am (UTC)
"I imagine that people who like things gentler have a preference for smaller penises? I don't know.'

I don't know if it's liking things gentler, or easy-to-trigger vaginal chafing -- but yes. smaller. please.

i have only had piv sex with two penises, though -- one about 8.5in, and one about 5.5. so, there's not a lot of range here to go from micro to macro, or vary by skillz.
26th-Jan-2010 10:08 pm (UTC)
I am not a tiny woman, but I have experienced diameter of the penis as a negative in a mate. The length was appropriate to normal (6-7 inches when full of blood), but the width was uncomfortable without a lot of foreplay and slow, slow penetration. We are no longer together because he was neither big on foreplay nor slow penetration, and I have sense learned that his current marital unit just solved the problem by stopping having sex with him.

The smallest man I have been with (3-4 inches when fully engorged) had a foreskin which also squicked me out a bit. We did a lot of showering before we had sex (and after). When instructed, sex was just as fun as with any guy, but without instructions, he was really of a pile driving nature rather than one of delicate kindness and loving intent.

The current model is 5-6 inches when fully erect, and I feel very much like Goldilocks as he is "just the right size." He no longer requires instructions (we've been doing this for over 10 years now), and I've determined the mature, eager, and enthusiastic model is my favorite.
26th-Jan-2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
I'm a fan of girth - but then again, my thickest current partner very much does take things as slow as need be. I think there was only one "OW STOP IT".
26th-Jan-2010 10:11 pm (UTC)
I like penises. Pretty much all of them. It's all about the rest of the package for me. The most important thing being the brain. If it has a brain, it can usually follow instructions, and well, there y'go.
26th-Jan-2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
Yep! The conversation originated with us talking about what body parts we look at/are attracted to first; for me, it's hands, followed closely by eyes. You can tell a lot about the brain from the eyes. :)
26th-Jan-2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
Bigish is nice. Not too huge, though, thanks.
26th-Jan-2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
Well, I've only had vaginal sex with one guy, and oral sex with one other, so my range is limited. What I can say from my experience (coupled with my experience with toys) is that length and girth are important. You want to be able to feel the gentleman's efforts. I'm honestly more frustrated by a lack of girth than I am a lack of length.

Once you have sufficient of both, however, it's simply a matter of technique in my opinion.
26th-Jan-2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
I am being anonymous, because this is quite personal.

Penis size can be interesting or not important. I once dated a man who was so well hung he could have been a porn star. (9+" and very thick.) Sharing intimacy was rather painful, and I was forced to break up with him becuase the sex was not worth the oww. This is the story I share every time someone insists upon waiting until marriage to have sex. If we'd waited, I would have requested a divorce.

My ex was well hung, at 6" of usable penis. (I refuse to measure from the balls, since length should only be determined by penetration power IMHO.) He also did not understand the concept of foreplay, and wanted sex two or three times a day, and quite literally whined if we went three days without. Ugh. Not fun.

I eventually dumped him for someone who has a much smaller penis. (3") We have sex every week or two, and while I wish it was a little more often, it's amazing when it does happen and is completely worth waiting for.

In closing, I will say that size does matter, but not nearly as much as technique.
26th-Jan-2010 10:17 pm (UTC)
I certainly concur with your friend - the size is less of an issue than the lover himself. Or, to use another saying - "it ain't the meat, it's the motion!" ;-) That being said, it sure doesn't hurt to have the right size package for you! Me personally, given a choice between longer but um, skinnier vs. shorter but thicker, I'll vote for shorter but thicker. Longer & thicker can be great, but have to be careful that it isn't too much of a good thing. ANd sorry, but short and skinny...game over. I know there is also debate about turtleneck vs. bare, but I have only ever experienced bare so I can't vote on turtleneck or not. And there is my take on penises, FWIW :-)
26th-Jan-2010 10:23 pm (UTC)
It so happens that we agree on everything, so seconded.
26th-Jan-2010 10:18 pm (UTC)
I like average. Not too big, as the Anita Blake "he slammed into my cervix with his incredibly massive cock" doesn't elicit squeals of joy from me.
Current partner seems good to me. Good size for giving oral (which I enjoy doing), good size for penetration, and he knows what he's doing which is always a plus.
I don't have any real experience with too small.
26th-Jan-2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
the Anita Blake "he slammed into my cervix with his incredibly massive cock" doesn't elicit squeals of joy from me.

That has happened to me and I AM OPPOSED TO IT. *wince*
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
26th-Jan-2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
In my opinion... there is too big, where it's OMG you are going to break my vagina! and there is too small, where it's Wait are we having sex now??

I prefer above average, because it can help make up for a lack of skill in other areas. Plus I like how bigger penises look. I can't help it. It would be really nice if a guy can be above average AND have skill though. Having a larger penis doesn't give a guy a pass on learning what to do with it and learning what ELSE to do.
26th-Jan-2010 10:39 pm (UTC)
Yeah. Having a not-perfect sized package can often be made up for with skill in the tongue and fingers departments.
26th-Jan-2010 10:22 pm (UTC)
Size, mainly girth, makes a big difference for me, in that there is a minimum size (5.5", which is little over .5" from the average) I'm looking for and less than is literally not pleasurable. I've had some very disappointing encounters to learn that. You might find this chart helpful, if you've not already seen it:
http://www.penissizedebate.com/images/doc/penis_size_preference_chart1.gif (though this website is a little crazy)
27th-Jan-2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
I'm going to vote "deeply suspicious" on that chart, considering my wrist is 6" in circumference. (Admittedly, wrists are less circular than penises.)
26th-Jan-2010 10:26 pm (UTC)
My first husband was very much below average. But we were both virgins when we got together, and as a result both open to experimenting to figure out what felt nice. As a result we learned how to use his hands to best advantage before penetration which meant penetration felt quite wonderful. If he'd been unwilling to learn what worked for me to be happy, it never would have lasted.

Second husband was quite large and being a big girl myself not scary, but if I'd been even a smidge smaller (and had less muscle control) it could have been an issue. Unfortunately he was very much a wham bam thank you ma'am, so he always had to be tutored on good use of hands, after which penetration that lasted no more than 30 seconds was perfectly fine. If he'd been unwilling to work to learn what made me happy, it never would have lasted.

My current long-term partner is very much a "just right" sort. He's of average size but has a wonderful curve and most importantly LIKES to work at making sex better. He *loves* learning what works for me and its allllllll good.

Final analysis ... size is fun, size is dandy, but there are so many ways to adjust for whatever is handy, I don't really worry too much about it. (wish I could have figured out a way to end that sentence with a dandy/handy rhyme).

P.S. I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving head, so really the only time I've felt unhappiness of any sort with the three men I've mentioned above, was with #2 cause I just could not that with him like I prefer. In this case, smaller is a serious advantage.
27th-Jan-2010 07:11 am (UTC)
(wish I could have figured out a way to end that sentence with a dandy/handy rhyme)

"I don't really worry 'cause it all works if it makes you randy" could've been how you ended. :-)

"Brandy" could've worked, too. "Sandy" probably wouldn't.
26th-Jan-2010 10:34 pm (UTC)
I am more concerned with girth than length, being a G-spot kind of girl. However, I would far rather deal with a modestly-sized member attached to an affectionate and attentive lover than a big tool attached to a big tool.
26th-Jan-2010 10:35 pm (UTC)
Well said!
26th-Jan-2010 10:36 pm (UTC)
My husband is by far the smallest I've ever been with. Maybe 3-4" of usable length and not terribly wide. I won't lie, sometimes I wish he was as well-hung as former lovers. But, he definitely has related skills and is game about indulging my kinks and trying new positions. He's also willing and happy to use a toy when I'm just in the mood for "big, dammit."
26th-Jan-2010 10:38 pm (UTC) - y = mx + b
People have told me I'm above average; I still don't quite believe them. :D

Current (female) partners do complain that it's tough to get me inside but at the same time in the past I've had partners inside whom I've fit perfectly. In my case it's girth rather than length that seems to be the issue, but I have hit bottom once with a female partner, who liked the sensation quite a bit as long as I wasn't too rough.

So I guess what I'm saying is that for males who are into sex with women, there are just as many sizes and shapes of vaginas as there are penises, so at the very least this is a two-way street of both parties assessing how penis size affects the experience. It's a linear equation. :)
27th-Jan-2010 03:04 pm (UTC) - Re: y = mx + b
there are just as many sizes and shapes of vaginas as there are penises

That is a very good point that is quite true.
26th-Jan-2010 10:39 pm (UTC)
Penises are good. Aesthetically I like the look of larger dicks, but when it comes to sex I'm not too fussed. Not too huge is better for penetration for me.

Of course, emphasis on penis size is very much part of cisnormativity, and obviously problematic for me. So I'd argue with the statement "it doesn't matter at all even a little bit!" which is also clearly not true. It doesn't have to matter at all - depending not only on the lover with the penis, but on the lover having sex with said person. Some people aren't into being penetrated. Some are, but aren't fussed about size. Some are, but aren't fussed about the penetration being with a penis, or prefer it not to be.
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