Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong


* I miss my birthfamily already. Even more so because this visit was far shorter than usual; usually we get a week there and a week with my parents, but due to job, we basically got four days with each. A bit lss, even, with the train delay.

* I have been using the netbook, so my laptop looks ridiculously huge to me right now.

* I don' wanna go to work tomorrow. Especially because tomorrow's a peer supe evening, so it's another day of being out for over 12 hours. Will bring netbook and knitting.

* I am on Row 5 of the 20-row edging of this; I had hoped to finish it on the plane, but my brain cut out and decided it just wanted to zone out and listen to music. I have learned not to force my brain to deal with lace knitting when it is having a tired-toddler stompy-boots dance. That way lies madness. So I'll finish it this week, maybe tomorrow.

* Tomorrow is my last day eating gluten YAY. Had McDonalds cheeseburgers and fries today, which is horrible "food", but is part of my childhood, so I had to eat 'em one last time. This was a trip of lasts - last baklava, last of my Greek sort-of-grandmother's cookies, last orzo, last rolls, last of the white chocolate chip cake my aunt's friend makes every year. Tomorrow = last anything-gluten. Tuesday = biopsy.

* Got a Balance Card reading from haikujaguar! You always get the most interesting images, Song. *shaking head* In this case, the Lover back to back with the Fool. In this case, not a carnal Lover, but a fierce life-Lover, lover of people and causes and ideas and life... and of course, the Fool at her back, simple and true and not entirely sure why she's in this fight but willing to wed herself to a good cause even if her way of meeting it is rather more simplistic. Then again, some things in life don't need to be complicated, right? And Love is one of them.

You love like a battle, shadesong. Like a spear-mother, fierce and sharp as knives. I am completely unsurprised by these two cards, and only wonder what it means for your coming months.

* Realization re: Places You Haunt and Jessa's story - I keep beating myself up with these stories. I keep savaging myself. The more Good Stuff I do in the world, the more anxious it makes that child in me who was told she was bad and could never be good, and the louder I scream in these stories that no one is perfect, and look, terrible things! Pedestals are dangerous places, and I claw and bite to keep from being on them. I... need to work on that. It does not serve me well. (Not working on accepting pedestals. Just working on not beating myself up and waiting for the other shoe to drop.)

* I am too in love sometimes.

* I missed my cats everso, even though it has been a trip of fabulous animals. I held a few-hour-old mastiff puppy and a few-week-old papillon puppy! The latter pretty much velcroed himself to me - hopped right up into my arms and hooked into my shirt, licked my face lavishly, burrowed into my hair, climbed up onto my shoulder. So wanted to take him home!

* The cats discovered the eilonwy-made catnip toys before our returned; when they were unable to extract them from the envelope, they horked on it in protest. *sigh* We owe emilytheslayer and lynxreign so big for cleaning that up. They have the toys now and are in general catnippy ecstasy.

* Have I mentioned that I don't want to go to work tomorrow? This is exacerbated by the fact that Adam and Elayna both have this week off. *fidget*

* Also, I kept waking up last night - recurring dream that I'd overslept and would be late to work. Over and over and over and telling myself DAMMIT 'SONGBRAIN IT IS SUNDAY SHUT UP GO BACK TO SLEEP.

* And now? Laundry. I know. My life is so exciting.

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