Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

State of the 'song

Tonight, for Chanukah, I gave my daughter a necklace she'd fallen in love with at a local store; I'd pretended to buy it for someone else, but it was really always fr her. "I see what you did there!" she cried when she saw it. Oh, yes. We speak LOLcat.

It's a brass compass on a chain; I told her "it's so you never lose your way."

It's been a good Chanukah. She got Wyrding Studios jewelry, too, and video games, and seasons of her new favorite shows on DVD. I got gluten-free cookbooks and poetry and the cutest red Mary Janes. Adam hit the board game motherlode.

Tomorrow, we fly to Florida; we'll spend a few days with my parents, then go up to my birthfamily and have Christmas. I will have my last lasagna, my last pastitsio, my last butter cookies, my last baklava.

I will have a break, which I need, because this pace has been wrecking me and wracking me and I have not been okay. One of the cats got hooked into my sweater today and it launched me into a half-hour crying jag - which was, of course, not about the cat or the sweater at all. It was about being severely overclocked, and not having any reduction in my around-the-house duties now that I'm working (six hours of work for me, on gluten, with this fatigue and this pain, are like 12-18 for you). It was about just plain not having time to do something I'd wanted to do for a loved one - because these days have been so tightly packed that the shift of a tiny thing like the checkbook not being balanced on time can cause three days of cascading snowballing failure. I should be at my BARCC friend's play tonight, but it was that or pay bills, and the consequences of defaulting on the credit cards are greater than the consequences of not going out. I still have so, so much left to do tonight.

It will not always be like this. Within a week of cutting gluten, I'll have energy again, and within two weeks I will hurt less. My pain today is worse than it's been in months - most likely the fault of the weather as well as the gluten, below zero with the considerable wind chill, full-body clench.

It's 70 degrees in Florida.

My biopsy is the 29th. So I'll get to begin the new year as I intend to continue.

I'm going a bit spare about the crushing load of everything I must do - but the job itself, it must be noted, is great and I love it, and my co-workers are awesome, and I am learning things (today: all about national gangs with chapters in MA), and I have a good solid grasp of what I need to be doing and a large and finite project that'll kick into gear when I get back - I'm at my best with large and finite. Even the boss at Coca-Cola U who hated me had to admit that I kick ass at that sort of thing. So again, starting as I mean to go on. Kicking ass. Taking names.

Tomorrow I work three hours, hop a train to the airport, and go and not have any packed-full crazy days. Just three more work-hours glutened, and four more when I get back. It can be done.
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