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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
People with curly hair, I direct you to this poll. For the record,… 
2nd-Nov-2009 11:39 am
People with curly hair, I direct you to this poll.

For the record, I am not okay with people I'm not intimate with touching/playing with my hair. Variety of reasons. There is a post brewing about me and my hair.
2nd-Nov-2009 04:49 pm (UTC)
I've been known to turn and bite my boyfriend's hand when he plays with my hair sometimes... strangers are likely to get something much more damaging.
2nd-Nov-2009 04:49 pm (UTC)
I am not curly-haired and therefore not participating, but yikes. Other people are not for random touching! Hair included!
2nd-Nov-2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
Another friend had a (locked) post randomly on a few things, including random touching by servicepeople. I was musing that I get randomly touched a lot.

But especially the hair.

And yeah. I do not get why people think it's okay to touch a stranger.

(Note: I get "Can I hug you?" at BARCC stuff quite a bit, but I don't mind that, because they ask instead of just getting all grabby.)
2nd-Nov-2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
It just doesn't occur to me that I should touch strangers, unless it's a tap on the shoulder to say "Hey, you just dropped $20" or something. But things like patting on the thigh, or touching of the hair, or just... it's not right. Who thinks that this is OK? And why?

And yes I am a cold Northeasterner, but my body is for ME and the people I choose to share it with. It is not for YOU, when you are some random person I have never met before.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:31 pm (UTC)
I wonder if it's partly your size as well. I'm a smaller woman -- though not as small as you -- and I know that the "cuteness" of my size makes me more touchable.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:32 pm (UTC)
I was thinking that. Someone at the first post on the topic says shes 5'9" and bench-presses 200lbs and she gets it too, though.
2nd-Nov-2009 04:57 pm (UTC)
Apparently there's something about my hair that leads people who I don't know very well at all to pat or stroke my head. I am by now sort of resigned to it, alas.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
A very large part of my personal sexual assault history involves my assailant's wife holding my hair out of the way while what happened happened (logic being if she was complicit in what happened, she could never testify against him, nifty thing that, better so because it worked) and it is incredibly triggery to have anyone touch my head/hair/face. I have had *3* professional haircuts in the subsequent 25 years, normally I do it myself because it hurts less. It was hell on wheels when my little ones were little, because babies don't know. Meanwhile my hubby is insisting I get my hair 'done' to impress his family on an impending visit, because I should be 'over it' by now.

Touch my hair when I don't expect it, and I will stab you and kick you and fight you and jump on what's left of you afterward. And I don't feel particularly bad about it - -to me this is a much grosser and mean violation of my self than touching me anywhere else.

I hate the construct that says my hair is public property. My hair is your ticket to the Emergency Room, if you can't keep your hands to yourself.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
Mine was also a factor in earlier abuse, and yeah, that's a big part of why I don't like having it played with unexpectedly.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
Do you have a hard time going to the hairdresser? It kills me, and I wish to god I knew the way from here to where normal women live.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:25 pm (UTC)
No; if I know my hair's going to be touched and I've consented, I'm okay. I like having my hair touched by people I'm intimate with, too.

I wish to god I knew the way from here to where normal women live.

Oh, yes. This.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
I don't have a hard time going to a hair dresser I know in a small shop (preferably a one person one actually) where my hair is going to be done relatively quickly. But I can't handle a shop with lots of assistants coming up and touching me and sitting around waiting for more strangers to touch me. Personally I'd tell my husband to bite me, but I'm mean.
2nd-Nov-2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
Does curly hair somehow inspire more touching than straight? How strange. o_O
2nd-Nov-2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
It does. It's not strange to me, because the curliness is so... intriguing. The silkiness and texture together?
2nd-Nov-2009 06:08 pm (UTC)
I have all kind of issues around people in my face period, so hair touching leaves me somewhere between flinching and violence. The husbeast has gotten very adept at spotting would-be touchers and heading them off.
2nd-Nov-2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
Touching someone's hair has always struck me as a highly intimate gesture, not something to be done lightly or at a whim. It is something that, to my mind, requires permission.
2nd-Nov-2009 07:49 pm (UTC)
Touching a stranger or acquaintance's hair is such a clueless, presumptuous act. It's a BODY PART, F.F.S.!
2nd-Nov-2009 10:59 pm (UTC)
I hate that others feel free to touch my hair. Ive had it long, short, curly, blond, red - and when its a) long and b) curly the combination seems to make people feel free to just handle it. Its like a magnet, they just MUST feel it bounce. AND I HATE IT.

Might be why I keep my hair up in a bun most times when out. I have long curly red hair now and its in a bun more often than ever. Something about strangers (or even friends) molesting my head feels extremely invasive.

3rd-Nov-2009 04:13 am (UTC)
I have BOING BOING curls. I do not like having them boinged. Exactly ONE person has permission to do that, and she knows a couple of very important things -- how to do it without pulling my very sensitive scalp, and how to warn me that it's going to happen so I don't get the AUGH SOMEONE'S TOUCHING ME flinch.

I MIGHT let someone else boing a curl, if they asked first -- but I'd be more likely to say no.

People who don't ask? Get on my shit list.
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