Basically, I was listening to my "My Empire for Ashes" playlist, which has several instrumental pieces. And I've tried to explain this playlist to people: "This is what Alexander's brain sounds like." "And this is what it sounds like during sex." "And this is what it sounds like when he's using his powers."
And also I have Places You Haunt on the brain, where characters process magic/energy as sound, as color, et cetera.
And also I had a conversation about kink with someone recently wherein I bemoaned the fact that no one I'm involved with likes whips/singletails. He asked why I'd need that when I had perfectly good canes (both rattan and fiberglass). I said it's not the same...
...but what I was really thinking is it's not the same sound.
So here's my peculiar bit of synesthesia. And hi, I'm shy about this, because I know it's wacky! But. It is so.
Physical sensation = sound for me. Stronger the sensation, stronger and clearer the sound.
Let's start with an example. Click here, and click on "Exurgency".
Enjoy the sounds of 'song's brain on bondage + play.
The firm and constant pressure of rope or cuffs or, heck, even just hands on my wrists.. produces a long, continuous, low tone like that of the cello. In this piece, the cello is looped over itself 16 times, which puts me in mind of being bound and doing Other Things (hence the "+ play")
So bondage is a low continuous yummy thing. Sex itself can be symphonic or it can be something more strictly percussive; lots of variation in sex!
But impact? Impact fascinates me. Because like I said, the stronger the sensation, the stronger and clearer the sound - which means pain can be gorgeous.
The fiberglass cane is very like a Tibetan singing bowl. The sounds evoked by impact reverberate, of course, because the sensation does! So thuddy things are a low reverberating thing. And that's delicious.
But the singletail? In Cicatrix, I refer to it as "each lash writing lines of liquid silver on your back", and yes, that. Silver. A perfect pure silver chime, high and sweet and clear and shivering in the air...
So yes. Knowing some of my predilections, you can see how fibromyalgia would be peculiar for me. A big struggle. Pain was my friend, but it became constant and turned against me. I was asked about that by people who knew about the interests above, the the best I could do was wave my hands and say "but it's not the good pain!", which only confused most people further.
But I think that I can explain better, now that you know about me and sensation and sound.
Every year, our town puts on something called Band-A-Rama. The high school band and orchestra play, and they're really good! They compete in New York. Awesome.
The middle school plays. Not bad at all!
And then. Oh, and then.
Fourth grade beginner band.
The pain and pressure and sensation I enjoy is like a silver chime, a singing bowl, an intricate cello piece.
Is like fourth grade beginner band. Fourth graders with violins. And trumpets.
You perhaps begin to understand. *wry smile*