Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Oh. Oh, you guys. *snif*

I kinda have tears in my eyes whenever this comes up, so I think I should write about it.

"I'm so functional!" I said last night. Which sounds silly - except if you know, like my concert buddies did, that I have been alternately nonfunctional and borderline-nonfunctional for the past almost-six years.

And I was and am and have been. This whole trip. Last night, we parked far away, and I walked a distance - and I walked up a lot of stairs without needing to haul myself up by the railing, and I stood through most of the concert (leaned against a tree for the last few songs). I helped enderfem move today, and I totally unpacked and organized her whole kitchen.

And Adam and Mark have been giving me astounded and grateful looks, and enderfem and maxymyllyn have been marvelling - and enderfem squeezed my hand last night and said "You are doing so much better and I am so happy for you..."

And I have tears when my friends give me those amazed and happy looks.

Partly because I am realizing how worried they all were, and it hurts me to be the cause of worry; I hate it when I am an imposition, even emotionally. And yes, I know I'm really not, but - it is painful for me when my friends are hurting, and I don't think I realized until recently how much my pain has weighed on my friends.

And partly because that look says, over and over again, that I am so loved.

And for that, I am so grateful.

And I love you too.
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