Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Politeness Counts

9x12" print of "Dragonfall" by aaronace.

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Dragonspice roll-your-own-incense kit by beetiger of Mother's Hearth Incense.

"Rich with the sweet resinous scent of dragon's blood resin, rich sandalwood, and fiery spice, Dragonspice Incense by Mother's Hearth will keep you warm and cozy as you contemplate your horde of shinies. This roll-your-own incense powder just requires water to make a clay from which you can make your own sticks, cones, or tiny burnable sculptures. Five packets are included, each of which makes approximately 10-15 cones, for a total of 50-75 cones. Comes with complete instructions."

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Excerpt from Swanleigh-Fulcrum's Guide to Cryptozoology and Culture of Mythical Beasts, by Octembre Swanleigh-Fulcrum, PhD

A first impression is always important, but is doubly so with dragons. Unlike many beasts, dragons will not reevaluate you after a negative impression has been made.

Well, usually they will eat you.

But even if they refrain from eating you, you will have no opportunity to impress the dragon on second or third acquaintance. It is all or nothing.

So how does one approach a dragon?

With care and with tact. Dragons are very social beasts, and love to hold forth for hours on philosophical discussions, but you must prove yourself intellectually worthy first. You must make said worthiness clear at every phase of the approach, or you will promptly be made dinner.

At Step One, no less than 500 feet from the mouth of the cavern, one must sing. “The Marriage of Figaro” is preferred in this day and age. The dragon will be evaluating your vocal control and range, so do your very best!

If the dragon does not roast you, you may move forward another hundred feet. At this point, stop and recite a favorite poem. Do not compare the dragon to a summer’s day - the dragons have become bored with Shakespeare.

If your oratory is approved, move forward another hundred feet. At this point, you should sing a pop song. Research your dragon’s preferences beforehand! My draconic intellectual sparring partner prefers “My Heart Will Go On”, but many of her friends will flame-broil anyone singing Celine Dion and shove them over the cliff, too appalled even to eat the suitor.

If your dragon is humming along with your rendition of “Can’t Buy Me Love” or “Roxanne”, advance another hundred feet. At this point you must declaim a poem that you wrote particularly for this dragon. Dragons prefer sestinas. Be sure to include references to the color of their scales. Dragons have a rigid scale-based caste system, and, like fans of sports teams, each shade of dragon has several particular points of pride about their color. Compliment a red dragon’s fiery verve, a blue dragon’s elegance.
At this point, you may make your final approach. Be certain to bring with you a freshly-slaughtered animal (goats are traditional) for the dragon to roast and you to share. Bring gifts - scented incenses for their cavern make a thoughtful present. Also bring lemon curd, as much of it as can be obtained. All dragons adore lemon curd.

Above all things, never fail to be polite. When in close quarters with dragons, the only thing that keeps you alive is your sparkling personality and unfailing courtesy.

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Mark is here, and Emily is going home for her well-deserved sleep! Team Venture loves you, Emily!

Lily: "I haven't hallucinated cats yet this year!"
Tags: blogathon.2009
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