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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Well, since it's taken out of my hands... 
23rd-Jul-2009 10:10 pm
Knowing is half the battle
I had intended to hold off on posting about this until next week, because I wanted to focus on the Blogathon and not have my journal derailed into drama and responses to passive-aggressive crap. But since apparently it's everyone's business, I'll say it here and do a minimal clarification.

elionwyr and I are no longer in a relationship.

There have been significant issues all year. I'm not going to get into them. As I've said, I have no interest in drama, in rehashing, in trash-talking, in any of that. I'm just saying that they exist so I can say that the breakup is far from a surprise, and in some ways it feels like a relief - not because I don't care for her, but because it has not *felt* like a relationship in quite some time, so now at least the cognitive dissonance of calling it something it's not no longer exists.

She apparently decided to post about it because I deleted an abusive comment from one of her friends from my morning post. I did so because I refuse to take abuse, and because in her comment she outed Elionwyr; I thought at the time that Elionwyr did not wish to be outed, and I even stated that I was deleting the comment for that reason, out of respect for Elionwyr's privacy.

That apparently does not go both ways. Because, even though I stated quite clearly that I did not want to engage in this sort of thing, Elionwyr's posted about this. (And there goes my privacy, my adjustment period, my grieving process.) It's her right to do so, as it was her relationship as well.

But it's not her right to lie.

And I'm baffled, because I did not expect that of her. Nonetheless.

I did not want to post about this, but I am doing so in order to clarify that the reasons she listed for this week's communication breakdown are entirely false.

They bear absolutely no relation to the truth. Words are being put into my mouth; actions and motivations have been ascribed to me that frankly baffle me. The whole rationale as presented bears no relation to reality.

In talking to a friend earlier today about the lies reflected in her friend's abusive comment, I took a deep breath and said "Y'know... people will know that I am not these things, that I did not do these things. I'm not going to say anything. People will know."

But the lies in Elionwyr's new post are toned down enough that they don't beggar disbelief as much as her friend's did. So I feel compelled to say something.

I'm not going to get into the actual reasons. Not tonight. I am exhausted, and giving the full list of bad behavior... will accomplish nothing, really. Nothing but get me all pissed off again. And I don't want to get in a discussion about this stuff when I'm angry - which is why I was planning to wait til next week and make a quiet announcement in passing.

I don't know why she's chosen to misrepresent this. I suspect that, by doing so, she hopes to redirect attention from what actually transpired. I don't know if she actually believes any of this, or if she's just being defensive, or what. It's clearly not a conversation I can have right now.

I trust that anyone who actually knows me will look at the version of me being portrayed and realize that it's not reflective of the actual me. (I have had comments to that effect already.) But just so you know. Ain't true.

I ask that you respect my desire to not dissect this breakdown/breakup in comments. I already said I didn't want to talk about it, and *that* hasn't been respected. But I won't sit here and pretend I'm okay being misrepresented and lied about. (Adam does not like me saying "lied" and "lies", because he thinks she may have talked herself into believing these things. Either way, it is a work of fiction.)

So that's that. Anger at mistreatment. Disappointment at the lies. Not what I expected.

I'm not going to talk about this tonight, or tomorrow, or this weekend. Blogathon is an arduous thing, and I have made a commitment to do it. I don't appreciate the derailment. There's a lot I don't appreciate here.

And now, bed.
24th-Jul-2009 02:42 am (UTC)
I'm really sorry to hear about all the trouble. My sympathy.
24th-Jul-2009 02:43 am (UTC)
Thank you.
24th-Jul-2009 02:46 am (UTC)
24th-Jul-2009 02:46 am (UTC)
Urm. The only thing I note in all this is that apparently her post is locked?

(I'm sorry it came to this, for both of y'all.)
24th-Jul-2009 02:49 am (UTC)
Yeah. This is public because the fiction in that post is getting spread to people I don't have friended, so I can't set the record straight effectively in a locked post.
(Deleted comment)
24th-Jul-2009 02:52 am (UTC)

I'm fortunate in my friends. And I'll have good people with me all weekend. Will push through it. Just... endings are never good, but this warping is particularly ungood, and I'm surprised as much as I am anything else.
24th-Jul-2009 02:51 am (UTC)
Many hugs.
24th-Jul-2009 03:05 am (UTC)
Ugh. I'm sorry about the trouble. Breakups gone bad really really suck.
24th-Jul-2009 03:19 am (UTC)
*ungh* relationships ending are hard no matter what the cause or whether or not you choose to remain friends. The fact remains that it's still the end of a relationship. That it had to get dragged out in a public manner one of you (either one) was ready...that's harder.

*hugs* to you - may you have a drama free Blogathon - and if there's anything I can do from afar, please let me know...at the very least you have energy and good will sent on.
24th-Jul-2009 03:24 am (UTC)
Ugh, and sympathies.

It seems to be the week (the day?) for people displaying unexpected levels of fail.
24th-Jul-2009 03:30 am (UTC) - *sigh*
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship went F00M. I'm also sorry that people decided to air dirty laundry in public when you didn't want to. Some blogs are really into that; I'm with you in not being into it. In my experience, when a relationship breaks up due to progressive divergence, it often happens that the people have totally different ideas of what happened and why.

I haven't seen the drama, nor do I care to. I know you're a good person and fun to hang around. I hope that your life smooths out soon.

Here, have some flowers:
24th-Jul-2009 03:46 am (UTC) - Re: *sigh*
I'm also sorry that people decided to air dirty laundry in public when you didn't want to. Some blogs are really into that; I'm with you in not being into it. In my experience, when a relationship breaks up due to progressive divergence, it often happens that the people have totally different ideas of what happened and why.

I agree with all of that.

Good luck 'song. If there's anything I can do to be helpful let me know. I know you have a lot on your plate already.
24th-Jul-2009 03:39 am (UTC)
I'll just tell you how much I love having you in the world.
24th-Jul-2009 03:40 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for both of you that the relationship broke down. I hope that your day tomorrow and the day after that and so on are better than today.
24th-Jul-2009 03:48 am (UTC)
24th-Jul-2009 03:49 am (UTC)
I'm sorry. The end of a relationship sucks, being forced into drama sucks, being unable to shed the light of truth on everyone sucks... what a miserable thing to happen. I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you'll be surrounded by people who take good care of you this weekend. I know it's going to be a chaotically busy time for you, but I hope you can find moments here and there to just soak in that love.

Tomorrow will be a better day.
24th-Jul-2009 03:50 am (UTC)
I am sorry to hear it. Kick ass and take names at Blogathon.
24th-Jul-2009 04:26 am (UTC)

Breakups suck, and drama-filled breakups suck even more.
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