Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Thoughts upon re-reading "My Empire for Ashes"

Interesting how body language works itself in. How Katrina looks away, looks down; how Alexander presses his hands against things when nervous, to hide any trembling.

Interesting how language shifts - the story is third-person from Alexander's POV, and he is concise, precise, sparse, correct in his language. But Katrina's an empath - and when her emotions are spilling over onto him, the writing shifts; the sentences are longer, swirling, not as controlled. Had not noticed that when I was writing it.

Altogether, I don't think I have to add much. There are a few awkward sentences, and some words I repeat overmuch... one continuity error, and one scene that needs to be moved up a bit. Otherwise, I do rather like it. That's a relief!

Next step, after fixing those things? Sending it to some beta readers to see if it makes sense and hangs together the way I want it to. Because the biggest problem I have here is that I know this whole story intimately, and therefore I could be flat-out forgetting to communicate things to you, the people outside my head.
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