So that's good.
So I'm starting on Gabitril.
...it's tough when the answer to "are you feeling suicidal?" is "...not right now." And it's tough to say "I've been having these awful depressive crashes and this is not me. This never happens. But I've spent half my year curled up on my bathroom floor, feels like. And it's not situational. It has to be chemical. It has to be all this stuff being thrown at my brain."
So I have a new prescription. And a psych referral just in case.
And... to be honest, I am scared. I have had really hellish experiences when changing meds. Epic awful stuff. But I cannot deal with the crashes that have become normal this year. So let's roll the dice.
If you see me at all this weekend or next week, remember that my brain will be wonky, 'k? And wish me luck.
And also wish me luck on transitioning from a rheumatologist to a pain management specialist; am about to call my GP and beg for a referral. Because I need the Celebrex, but I don't think I need the Robaxin - and I want care that's less focused on drugs and more focused on PT. The fewer drugs in my system, the better.
EDIT: For the new kids: I haven't done the anti-seizure drug shuffle in about three years. And the three years I was doing it? The worst of my life.
So. It is scary.
But I am in a better place now. I'm not struggling to fake normalcy to keep a job I hate. I have a good support system. And I will do what I have to.