Happy birthday to jimhines, thegreenyear, swashbucklr, and wirewalking!
Meh, but progressing. Got a good walk in today. Unfortunately, that led to me hitting the emergency inhaler. But. Progress is.
Feeling the Weight of the World
There's... a lot going on. And it's coming at me from a lot of different areas. And much of it is stuff that involves waiting for someone else to make their move (case in point: I am still waiting to hear if Elayna got financial aid for Explo - that's a huge thing, $5K huge, looming over me!), so that involves not just *that* stress, but the stress of keeping multiple balls in the air, which is exacerbated by the fact that my short-term memory issues man that I have to keep repeating the litany of big heavy stuff over and over in my head so I don't miss anything...
So I'm exhausted and jittery. And hyperaware that April is Sexual Assault Month, with all of the BARCC stuff and posts all over the blogosphere, and I love what I do for BARCC, but I can get exhausted.
And last week's seizure shook me up, too. People die like that. All the time. I was fast enough last week, but if I hadn't been?
Newsweek has a big feature on epilepsy this week. It leads with "Up to 50,000 Americans die each year from seizures and related causes, including drownings and other accidents... By some estimates, the mortality rate for people with epilepsy is two to three times higher—and the risk of sudden death is 24 times greater—than that of the general population."
I joke that one of the blessings of epilepsy is that I won't have to deal with all of my friends dying off as I get old; I'll be gone before any of you. See ya, suckers! But... I don't wanna go. I have too much to do here. I cram so much into my life because I have no idea how long I have. Could be a week, could be fifty years. Most of the time, that knowledge is background. It's been foreground this week.
All of this affects my writing. Monumental stressors mean that my brain is in very dark places. I cannot seem to cast my writerbrain out to write fun things. It's all dark places. And I don't want to put you-the-reader through what's in my hindbrain right now. Is why there's a pause button of sorts on Wind Tunnel Dreams.
I find myself being less posty, too, as all I've got going on is that litany. I struggle to find things to say that aren't part of the litany, and I'm not managing. So if I'm not on here much for a little bit, I'm okay, I'm just dealing with that.
Today, I'm dealing with it by cleaning and organizing and just getting off my ass and getting things done, which I'd been unable to do recently. Fighting my way back to my new normal.
* Twitter will murder you in your sleep.
* I love this video. Wow. Lady, you kick ass.
* Hee hee hee teabagging.
* Nearly Free Knitted Stuff by Phoe! I nabbed a gorgeous hat for Elayna. There are cowls and a vest up for grabs.
I'm going to double-dip. Here. Read the whole epilepsy feature, please.
My mad dash cleaning up Miss Kid's room has tired me out. I think I shall curl up with a book and possibly nap. Tonight is blissfully planless, and will likely feature sorting through stories with Adam and catching up on the TiVo stuff. (I love my husband. A++ would marry again.)