Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

Breathing now.

So the reasons I was so terrified about today:

1. Lyrica is not approved for monotherapy for epilepsy. Chances were that, no matter what, the new neuro would just insist upon another med or an additional med - and, given that 4 of the 5 meds I've been on had me unable to form a complete sentence, that could be potentially career-ending, or at least career-delaying. Not to mention the other quality of life issues.

2. ...the Lyrica isn't 100% doing the job anyway.

Olfactory hallucinations = simple partial seizures. Several scattered over the past few months.

this is where I am curled up into a tight little ball, silent and terrified. this is where if i say it out loud, it's really happening, and i can't let it be happening.

I haven't documented them completely; in a way, it's hard to. Peculiar smells. Sometimes they just happen, y'know? What got me sitting upright with that icy ball of fear in my belly was the cigarette smoke. Very heavy smell of cigarette smoke. In places it couldn't be. My bedroom. The airplane. Sudden overpowering ugh, and I'd sniff my hair thinking maybe I walked by a smoker earlier and it was just inexplicably showing up now. But it wasn't in my hair, or on my clothes, and it would vanish just as suddenly as it appeared.

Part of my pact with myself about taking care of myself is not lying to myself, and not telling lies of omission to my doctors.

So.

I told the new neuro about that, and about the tingling/numbness episodes I had last fall (thanks for the reminder, lawbabeak!). She did some mm-hmming.

What we ended up with was her agreeing to keep me on just the Lyrica for now, but saying I should ask my rheumatologist thought about upping my dosage so I could maybe stop taking the Robaxin. I'm to keep notes on any other neurological upfuckery or potential upfuckery. And I got blood drawn to test my thyroid and B12.

Breathing.

I hate that my reaction to new or old symptoms is to curl up full-fetal and cry to myself. But it's scary. Brain misfires are scary. Talking to people who may not listen to me about my brain, who have the power to override me about my body? Scary.

*sigh*

The rheumatologist, I wasn't as nervous about. And I ended up just plain not liking him, so jennifer, I'll give yours a call! This guy... doesn't prescribe Lyrica, since it's a "newer drug that I don't know much about" (to which I was like, um, is it not your job to keep up on the newer drugs? and also Lyrica's been around for quite a while and is the medication most often used to treat my condition, dude), and doesn't prescribe "any sleep aids" (despite the very high comorbidity of insomnia). But he prescribes Celebrex. So I got that called in, at least. Also condescending in general, and just kinda dickish. But. I got Celebrex.

I will write later about how ariesd and I totally pwned a meter maid. *nod*
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