"So. Doc. Tell me how to eat."
Yes. I'm a grown woman, needing to be told how to eat.
The thing is this. My body is a complex system with faulty wiring. Everything that I do affects it. Can't stay up too late. Must take meds on schedule. Must ration spoons/activity level - if I walk Elayna to the bus stop,I won't be able to walk to the library later. If I do air travel, I have to allot recovery time. Sometimes it feels like every minute of every day is devoted simply to maintaining that balance - teetering over a morass of pain, of fatigue, of seizures, gripping with my toes...
And I have been incredibly resistant to allowing food to be a part of that. Because it feels like fewer and fewer things exist out of that state of constant hypervigilance. It feels like this is one more thing that gets absorbed into the medical hell.
So it was very difficult for me to go in there and say "Tell me how to eat for IBS and for weight loss." The weight loss because I need to be able to exercise, because not-exercising makes the fibro worse.
It feels like another loss. It feels like giving up ground.
I remind myself that my health is the only thing wrong in my life, and that helps. I am rich in my family and friends and beloveds, if not in money. I have my writerbrain. I have a lot.
It just takes so much energy to stay aloft, sometimes.
Meh. I'll be okay tomorrow. After my next doctor appointment. *wry smile*
* I can tell this joke, because I was raised Jewish (and still am, partly). So you know.