Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

Elayna and Explo, and me

Elayna is having the time of her life. I'll let her do most of the talking about that - guest-blogging Sunday, maybe?

Me, I'm lonely.

See, we'd originally planned to do the Woods Hole Children's School of Science. That plan would've had us crashing at my aunt's in Falmouth for six weeks - Elayna doing her marine bio thing in the morning, and us wandering around Woods Hole all afternoon, hitting the beach, helping out in the fisheries... but CSS did not offer any marine bio this year, and then we got the brochure for Explo - including a course on Japanese language and culture! - and she was sold on that.

And I knew she'd be there through 5 PM (she's usually home by 3), and that she could sleep over there up to three times per week.

I did not factor in how lonely I would get. Alone all day, hungry for interaction and missing my kid. Reading the newsletter at the website and wondering what activities she did that day, and having no way to ask her. Scanning the daily photos hungrily looking for her smile. Seeing her only a few hours a week.

And she is having an amazing time. Her theater class is doing Macbeth; her musical theater minicourse, Wicked. She's kicking ass in her martial arts class and mock-kicking-ass in her stage combat minicourse. She's duct-taping staffers to the wall, going to trapeze school, meeting her friends for breakfast, spinning practice poi on the quad. She has a whole big group of summer friends.

And I'm having separation issues.

Elayna and I have always been extremely close. But she's thirteen. It's hard for me to let go - and initially, it was hard for her to go. She had a look of mild panic on registration night when the parents were shooed from the room. But she's okay with that now.

This has been so good for her, and it's only week two.

And - I have to figure out how to deal with this separation issue. Elayna and I will always be close. But she's going to go to college someday. There'll be months and months without her.

I've devoted my life utterly to her all this time. I'll have to relearn how to devote my life to me.

Up and travelling like this is a baby step in that direction. I used to up and go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I infamously moved to Vegas with a duffle bag full of clothes, a suitcase full of stories, and my typewriter. (And $6.) I've been having itchy feet for some time... so when I saw this opportunity, I grabbed it.

I can't travel next week, because I have BARCC meetings Monday and Wednesday and ReaderCon Thursday - Sunday. Week after, I'll be in mega Blogathon rampup. Week after that, I have nothing. Anyone want a road trip?
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