Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

Some frank talk about money.

There's a reason I've been so rabidly focused on WTD and writing and selling stuff thus far this year. This has been a long hard winter for us Gojirawitzes. Electric and gas bills have been hovering close to $300. Each. Elayna needed new glasses. Max needed surgery.

And here I am, a big ol' drag on the finances; not just food and heating expenses, but I pay $200 a month for the meds that keep me from seizing or having heart malfunctions, that keep the fibro pain from being more crippling than it is. And the side effects from those meds + the conditions in general keep me from having a regular job- because who'll hire someone so variable? I can haul boxes one day, but I can't even lift the coffeepot another. I require naps. My brain damage fried my short-term memory such that it is intensely difficult to learn things, making me pretty untrainable - and I think that's the worst of it, really. I used to be clever as hell, a crazy-quick study, and now I can't follow simple instructions if they're not written down. So. Unhirable. And the credit cards are maxed, y0.

WTD saved our asses. It may have saved Max's life; it certainly saved him from a lot of pain. And January through now... without the WTD money, we wouldn't've made our rent.

So I'm pushing it hard, yeah, because this? This makes money. This is the only thing I can do. On a good month,I can make my writing pay for my meds.

So if you are sick of WTD... sorry, dude. You're going to keep seeing it, first week of every month.

I think this writing retreat will be intensely helpful. Because I've been feeling tremendously rushed with all of this. Whether it's an artifact of my attention-span-limiting meds or just the breakneck speed of this Red Queen's Race, my writing has been in snippets,in shards;I have not had the space to Tell A Story,and I need that if Shayara's going to work; I have the constant fear of fucking up on Shayara, the constant wondering if I started too soon, if I should have written and edited and then put it up, but I have had no time, and it is too late now. Had I not had the month long fibro flare, I'd've had the time.

I hate being sick. And, barring a miraculous cure for epilepsy and fibromyalgia, I will always be sick.

Rainy day. Ouchy PMSing 'song. 'Twill pass. The heating and electric bills are both down to under $150 this month, and March was the last month we had to pay for Max's surgery. We will manage this summer and see if we can plan better for next winter. But. It has been a long, hard winter over here.
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