Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Nature > Nurture

This is how you can tell:

My parents are arriving shortly.
My birthaunt, excited that she'll get to see them for two days rather than the customary hour, has enthusiastically invited them for dinner.
Dad says "We don't want to intrude on your...thing."
I say "Seriously, they really want to have you over for dinner. You're family."
My birthaunt leaves her mother's house early to run to the grocery store so she can make my parents jambalaya.
I call for an ETA; Mom says "We're half an hour from the hotel."
I say "Okay - just check in and come on over!"
Mom: "I don't know."
Me: "They really would love to see you guys."
Mom, dismissively: "We'll call you."

Okay.

Now, part of this, as I explained to the birthfamily earlier, is that my parents have this deep societal conditioning. In their society, you make invitations you know will be refused, that you expect will be refused, simply for form's sake. Were they in my birthaunt's shoes, they would expect their invitation to be refused, and would be mildly put out were it accepted. In my parents' society, you ask a few times, enough so you can say you did, but there's no connection, and no connection is expected. My birthaunt, on the other hand, thinks like me. Family is in town! We must feed them! We would love to feed them! Who would we be if we did not take family in, especially on holidays?

My aunt offers not because she's supposed to, but because this is what family is for her, and this is what makes her happy.

And I think that, on a base level, my concept of family is radically different from my parents'. And that makes me sad for them. It makes me think that they will be very lonely stoic negative old people, when they could be family.

Nature > nurture, here and in a lot of ways.
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