Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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A moment I hate:

I sit up/I stand/I set my foot on the stairs...

And I can't help it - pain flashes across my face. I school my features quickly, but my partner/my friend has already seen me wince.

The look on their face...

That is the moment I hate.

Yeah, I hate the pain itself. But not nearly as much as I hate the look of heartsickness and helplessness in my loved one's eyes.

*closes eyes* *breathes*

And what do you say? What do I say? It comes out in a jumble. "It's okay."

Another look from my companion, this time a "don't bullshit me" look.

"It'll be okay."

But we know the truth. It might never be okay. They know it. They know I know they know.

And finally what tumbles out of my mouth is the truth we all hate so much to hear and acknowledge: "There's nothing you can do."

Because that is what my partner or friend wants. They want to help. Surely there must be something they can do.

But there isn't.

So I sit, I stand, I walk, trying to not hide the pain now, since they've seen it anyway; being honest.

It is an awful thing to know that someone you care for is in pain, and that there is nothing you can do about it.

And that's what I curse the fibro for. It's not just me that this is hurting.
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