I sit up/I stand/I set my foot on the stairs...
And I can't help it - pain flashes across my face. I school my features quickly, but my partner/my friend has already seen me wince.
The look on their face...
That is the moment I hate.
Yeah, I hate the pain itself. But not nearly as much as I hate the look of heartsickness and helplessness in my loved one's eyes.
*closes eyes* *breathes*
And what do you say? What do I say? It comes out in a jumble. "It's okay."
Another look from my companion, this time a "don't bullshit me" look.
"It'll be okay."
But we know the truth. It might never be okay. They know it. They know I know they know.
And finally what tumbles out of my mouth is the truth we all hate so much to hear and acknowledge: "There's nothing you can do."
Because that is what my partner or friend wants. They want to help. Surely there must be something they can do.
But there isn't.
So I sit, I stand, I walk, trying to not hide the pain now, since they've seen it anyway; being honest.
It is an awful thing to know that someone you care for is in pain, and that there is nothing you can do about it.
And that's what I curse the fibro for. It's not just me that this is hurting.