Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Me and a Gun

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Warning: post includes me singing. I have many talents. Singing is not one of them.

So. For years, at every concert she did, Tori Amos sang this song - "Me and a Gun". It's her recounting of her rape.

Every concert, she got up and she sang this.

She refused to be invisible.

She refused to be silent.

And she was doing this right at the time that I needed it most. So. Yeah. Tori can be kinda airy-fairy-hippie-dippy, especially on some of the later albums, where it is very much like "Dude, Tori, what are you smoking?" So it seems a bit eye-rolly to say that she is an inspiration to me. But she is. Seeing her do this, seeing her stand there, defiant and visible and still alive, dammit - gave me the courage that I needed. Because if she could do that, I could damnwell get out of bed. I did not have to curl up and die. I could talk about it.

I could help other people, too.

So yeah. Thirteen years and a few hours ago, I was literally grabbed off the street. And raped. And I spent three hours talking the rapist (not "my rapist" - I refuse to claim him) out of killing me, talk him into letting me go.

And if I can do that, I can do anything.

I am still here. I'm writing again. I'm tentatively arting again (it's a word, mousie says so!). He does not have any part of me. Not anymore.

Still here.

*lights a candle*
Tags: rape
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