See, this is the thing: I was told at my interview for the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center that we should know "by the end of next week". Which is now several days ago, and no word. So I sent a tentative, cheerful poke along the lines of hoping I'd see them in training next week, and if they could let me know, that would be awesome. E-mailed the volunteer coordinator, cc-ed the person who interviewed me - the head of the public speaking division that I'm most interested in.
No response from the main coordinator yet - but I did get a response from my interviewer. She says the coordinator's still agonizing over decisions - 30+ applicants for 15 training slots. But she asked me if I'd be interested in joining their fledgling Speaker's Bureau. "I just thought that since there is such a high number of applicants for a small number of slots and since you seem so enthusiastic and energized to contribute/participate, I would present you with this idea, too. Would you let me know what you think?"
She says that I can do both this (visiting high schools and colleges, mostly, recounting my experience, raising awareness) and the CAPS program ("interactive tabling events, provide presentations/workshops", etc). But... with the volunteer coordinator facing tough decisions, I think this is kinda a "we really want you, but if you bow out and take this instead, you can train in August".
So, y'know, being me, I agonized. If I say yes to the Speaker's Bureau position, am I taking myself out of the running for CAPS and the June training? Or am I making myself a more desirable applicant?
And I sat and I fussed, and... I realized that it doesn't matter. It's not a no. They do want me. No matter what, I will be part of this; I will step out there and tell my story and make a difference.
So I replied, saying basically that yes, my ideal is both - but that yes, I'm very interested in the Speaker's Bureau position.
It's not exactly what I planned. But it comes with fewer commitments - CAPS requires twice-monthly meetings on top of the speaking engagements, and the Speaker's Bureau doesn't. And with my body the way it is... I would be okay with not going out to twice-monthly meetings. And it gives me the opportunity to ease into things, instead of jumping in with both feet. Speaker's Bureau for a few months, then a damn good chance of getting into the August training.
Hi, I'm 'song. I'm a survivor of rape and sexual assault. I will not be invisible. I will not be silent. This is what awareness is: I will not allow people to quietly pretend rape doesn't exist, that they've never met, will never meet, someone whose life has been broken by something they thought was no big deal.
Thirteen years and thousands of miles, stories and songs and loves and an amazing child... in a way, I'm only thirteen years old tomorrow.