But it led me to examine why I went at that with such determination. I think what I've arrived at is just that I do not like to have illogical reactions. I don't like to have reflexes that are a) unhelpful, b) unpredictable, and c) illogical. I like a clear path between thought and behavior. It disturbs me to not have one.
So yeah. That's... something that's been going on behind the scenes for the last few years, under the illness, under the stress. Quietly dismantling mental blocks and PTSD triggers.
Go team me!