Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

  • Mood:
I'm kinda curled into a little ball right now.

See, yesterday it occurred to me that all of the brainfuckery issues that would make me incapable of caring for a baby were now gone. If the Lyrica continues to have minimal side effects, and controls the seizures - I could have a baby.

One day to process it is not enough.

I didn't want to go in for the IUD this morning.

But we don't know yet if this situation will last. Only time will tell. And biologically (me being in mid-cycle), the time was right for me to get this now.

And it can be removed, with a very rapid return to fertility.

I used to want three kids. Then I didn't want any. Then I got pregnant with Elayna. Then I fell in love with being a mom. And then I married Adam. And I want to have Adam's baby. (Elayna is very much Adam's child, mind you, despite the fact that we didn't meet til she was 4.) But the medical-f00.

And now there's a lot less medical-f00.

And just no time to think about it.

So... yes. I got my IUD like a good girl. But I'm sad. I know there just wasn't enough time to process it. And I wish I knew what my body and mind really wanted, and I wish they'd stay constant. But. There you have it.

No net-hugs requested or needed. I'll be okay. I'll go lie down again. I'll have ice cream later. Just - sad.
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