sadSee, yesterday it occurred to me that all of the brainfuckery issues that would make me incapable of caring for a baby were now gone. If the Lyrica continues to have minimal side effects, and controls the seizures - I could have a baby.
One day to process it is not enough.
I didn't want to go in for the IUD this morning.
But we don't know yet if this situation will last. Only time will tell. And biologically (me being in mid-cycle), the time was right for me to get this now.
And it can be removed, with a very rapid return to fertility.
I used to want three kids. Then I didn't want any. Then I got pregnant with Elayna. Then I fell in love with being a mom. And then I married Adam. And I want to have Adam's baby. (Elayna is very much Adam's child, mind you, despite the fact that we didn't meet til she was 4.) But the medical-f00.
And now there's a lot less medical-f00.
And just no time to think about it.
So... yes. I got my IUD like a good girl. But I'm sad. I know there just wasn't enough time to process it. And I wish I knew what my body and mind really wanted, and I wish they'd stay constant. But. There you have it.
No net-hugs requested or needed. I'll be okay. I'll go lie down again. I'll have ice cream later. Just - sad.