?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
I'm kinda curled into a little ball right now. See, yesterday it… 
15th-Sep-2006 03:20 pm
Elayna & Mommy laughing
I'm kinda curled into a little ball right now.

See, yesterday it occurred to me that all of the brainfuckery issues that would make me incapable of caring for a baby were now gone. If the Lyrica continues to have minimal side effects, and controls the seizures - I could have a baby.

One day to process it is not enough.

I didn't want to go in for the IUD this morning.

But we don't know yet if this situation will last. Only time will tell. And biologically (me being in mid-cycle), the time was right for me to get this now.

And it can be removed, with a very rapid return to fertility.

I used to want three kids. Then I didn't want any. Then I got pregnant with Elayna. Then I fell in love with being a mom. And then I married Adam. And I want to have Adam's baby. (Elayna is very much Adam's child, mind you, despite the fact that we didn't meet til she was 4.) But the medical-f00.

And now there's a lot less medical-f00.

And just no time to think about it.

So... yes. I got my IUD like a good girl. But I'm sad. I know there just wasn't enough time to process it. And I wish I knew what my body and mind really wanted, and I wish they'd stay constant. But. There you have it.

No net-hugs requested or needed. I'll be okay. I'll go lie down again. I'll have ice cream later. Just - sad.
Comments 
15th-Sep-2006 07:42 pm (UTC)
*hugs* anyway because you give good hugs and I like giving them to you :)

Just remember. An IUD is removable. That's one of the nicest (sp?) things about them! It is not a permanent solution and doesn't require you to remember something on a daily basis.

Make it be your matra ;)

Heck, if you decided *tomorrow* you and Adam wanted to have a child right away, you could have it removed. It's literally that easy. :)
15th-Sep-2006 08:03 pm (UTC)
Make it be your matra ;)

I totally agree. Focus on that - it's not permanent. This will give you the time to process everything and stuff.

Dream-baby will wait for you.
15th-Sep-2006 08:06 pm (UTC)
I deeply understand the sad.

I see you curled up, loving your body like it's Dream Baby. Which is just what your body needs right now. :)
15th-Sep-2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
Aw. You've got time to think. IUDs are great for their easy removal, instant return to fertility.

No hugs, just sympathy. I so get the mental fuckery. Especially today.
15th-Sep-2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
I kind of understand what you're going through. Though my situation is kind of the opposite.

See, I thought kids would be the next step in my life. I have just two semesters (including the current one) before I'm finally done with my bachelor's and after that, it was going to be time to start a family.

Then, last week, my husband told me that he didn't want to be my husband anymore. So. So much for starting a family.
15th-Sep-2006 10:36 pm (UTC)
So painful. I'm sorry.
16th-Sep-2006 05:33 am (UTC)
Thanks. I'm dealing. Still sucks though.
16th-Sep-2006 12:51 am (UTC)
Good Lord. My condolences.
16th-Sep-2006 05:37 am (UTC)
Thanks.
16th-Sep-2006 04:49 am (UTC)
It really sucks, but at least you know now, rather than at a more inopportune time, like after baby and before returning to work.

Still rejection sucks. :(
16th-Sep-2006 05:39 am (UTC)
Yeah, I agree that now is probably better than later. Especially when kids could be involved. But it does totally suck. And it something I never expected and always hoped I wouldn't have to go through.
15th-Sep-2006 10:33 pm (UTC)
It's okay to be sad, especially about something as big as this, and when you've had such an upheaval over the last few weeks.

Best of luck with everything.



15th-Sep-2006 11:52 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, sweetie. About all I can offer is that I sorta understand. Sometimes knowing that I'll never have a child all but kills me, so ... I do sorta understand.

*hugs anyway, just 'cause*
15th-Sep-2006 11:59 pm (UTC)
while I understand the thoughts swinging around thing...I'm glad you gave yourself more time to think about it, and to see how things go. It's better for everyone involved then to just let the mommy hormones decide! Hopefully, you're health will continue to get better, hopefully, all of us will. Right now I'm not even getting a pet because I can't care for myself :(
16th-Sep-2006 04:43 am (UTC)
I hear you.

One of the things that scares me is the drugs I'm on (methotrexate primarily, which is the main drug that controls my lupus) make it impossible for me to have children - MTX is a potent teratogen.

I am scared that I won't be able to get off the MTX, because it means I'll never be able to have children.

I want off it. And I want the Lyrica to work for you. I want us to be able to have the choice, at least.
16th-Sep-2006 05:53 pm (UTC)
*hugs anyway* Babies seem to be a theme lately.
16th-Sep-2006 09:14 pm (UTC)
You know I understand :) And if this thing with my nerve ends up being fixable -- one of my concerns wasn't just carrying a child, it was *caring* for a child. It'd be really hard to be a single mom with a limp.
17th-Sep-2006 12:03 am (UTC)
*nods* And you know I'll help, if we live near each other as planned...
17th-Sep-2006 03:05 am (UTC)
I know. Everything just needs to go as planned dammit *g*
16th-Sep-2006 10:34 pm (UTC)
Well, as you say, it can be removed later. Meantime, I think you probably have enough on your plate for two people to do as it is. :-)
17th-Sep-2006 12:05 am (UTC)
Two or three or four, yeah. *laugh* But I had that when I got pregnant with Elayna, too. One manages.

It's strange. I'm finally feeling more capable, and have more energy - and have less *stuff*. I might actually have a 3-1 or 2-1 ratio now.
17th-Sep-2006 12:18 am (UTC)
Two or three or four, yeah. *laugh* But I had that when I got pregnant with Elayna, too. One manages.

It's strange. I'm finally feeling more capable, and have more energy - and have less *stuff*. I might actually have a 3-1 or 2-1 ratio now.
17th-Sep-2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
You will process and things will become clear.

This I know.
18th-Sep-2006 05:06 am (UTC)
At least your situation is easily reversable.
This page was loaded Dec 4th 2020, 8:01 pm GMT.