Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

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I'm baaaaack...

Adam says, among other things: The analogy I used when talking to her this morning is that her brain used to be like a very fragmented hard drive, with pauses before accessing data. Now, it's like a brand new, blazingly-fast optical drive with near-instantaneous access.

Of course, this is also what she was like before the Trileptal.

In other words, I have my wife back.

I went into the hospital, and I came out as me.

I can think again, and express my thoughts. I'm not brainfogged or word-lost. I have energy. I can walk a straight line.

For the first time in three years.

Someone I met during my Trileptal haze (my parents say I looked like I was constantly in a daze, not entirely there) said that I was "so smart it's scary" and "quick". Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet. That was my brain working through a chemical fog. Now I can think again.

And part of the problem with expressing part of the disability the Trileptal caused was that I was so elevated before Trileptal, energywise and brainfunctionwise. I went from me to normal-person functionality. And then below.

I'm just so excited that it's hard to type about it. *laugh* I can think I almost feel high. The difference is huge. It's like the difference between being stoned and being sober, or being sober and tweaking.

Maybe even between being stoned and tweaking. That big a difference.

Three years of fog, and I can think again.
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