Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Going home tomorrow!

No, I've not had another seizure.

No, they don't have sufficient data.

They realize they don't have sufficient data because they're not getting anything close to a normal level of activity from me.

So! Ambulatory EEG.

There are a lot of issues Spooky and I have with this, and with the way a lot of things here have been handled/are being handled; I'll talk about that elsetime, perhaps after coffee. What I'm focusing on is that last night = the last night of sleep dep, and tomorrow night I get to sleep in my own bed. With my cats, who I've missed terribly. And I get a real shower, and get to take a walk.

Now. Medicine.

The neuro in charge here says she spoke to my neuro, and that's where the recommendation for ambulatory came from. Okay. The neuro says they'll start me back up on my medication today. I told her that I had been having massive problems with this med, and don't want to restart it; she said - looking like she'd been prepared for this - that she'd leave that between me and my neuro, and that my neuro might talk about a change after she gets the data from the abulatory EEG.

Grr.

So. This is what's going to be:

I will take the low-level dose of Trileptal tonight and tomorrow morning, to appease them.

I will go home.

I will not take any more.

I will promptly call my neuro and *tell* her that I'm not taking more, and say that I am open to discussing new medication options or getting a new fucking neuro, but that I *will not* go back on Trileptal.

*decisive nod*

I may not need much medication at all. If any. As I was just pointing out to Spooky, my life is so much less stressful now than it was when I was diagnosed. I need to look back and find all of my seizure records and track stress levels - but my last seizure before this was on what was supposed to be my moving weekend, so I was very stressed about that, and was the last week of Elayna's school, where I was frantically packing and organizing, and I was coming up on travel myself, and - boom.

But I don't have a crazy-ass boyfriend anymore. (Good line for when being hit on by crazy-ass people: "I'm sorry, no. Doctor's orders.") I don't have the job from hell anymore. There's been a lot of uncertainty-based stress in my life over the past few years, and all of that is gone or going.

Basically, all of my stress is over medical crap. And probably 90% of that is centered on the damn Trileptal. My fibro is difficult, but manageable. My heart and stomach issues are totally under control with meds that have few to no side effects. All of my agita is related to that one pill.

So! There's the plan.

I've missed my life.
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