1. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor tomorrow. I'm going to go over this with her and get her advice.
2. Unless my primary care doc has good advice that points elsewhere, I am writing to the neurology department with a list of complaints and requesting a new doctor.
I will not, under any circumstances, have brain surgery.
I will not get my tubes tied. I'm not saying never-ever. What I'm saying is this:
Thus, I will not.
I have a lot of tangly feelings about my fertility and motherhood. The two most important ones are that above, and this: next year, or the year after, or the year after that, they may come out with a new anti-seizure medication that has side effects I can live with and has a very low chance of birth defects. If that happens, Adam and I might like to have another child.
I will not permanently sacrifice my ability to have another child in a burst of shortsightedness. The fact that I currently cannot carry a child to term or take care of a baby does not = permanently, as it is completely due to a drug that I am taking. A new drug could change all of that in the span of two, three months.
I hope that that makes this clear. I get the well-meaning advice of "you should get your tubes tied because of the drugs/so you can try other drugs" fairly often; I know it's well-meant, but - I will not permanently sacrifice part of myself for a potentially-fleeting reason.
*sigh* Naptime now, maybe.
EDIT: And I really appreciate y'all's comments, but I don't feel up to a conversation about any of today's crap right now, so my lack of response isn't you, it's me. Thank you, and I do value your input. I'm just short-circuited.
ALSO EDIT: And this? *gestures down at all of today's post* This is why I hate going to the neurologist.